Pumpkin Spice M&M's Don't Even Taste Like Pumpkin

Pumpkin spice fever is like syphilis. It's contracted easily, spreads quickly, and symptoms include a zombie-like stampede for the antidote: anything containing the rotund orange fruit (yes, pumpkin is a fruit) and that blend of cinnamon-y spices. See also: Pumpkin Spice, The Movie? "White People Are Going to Love It"...

By Jess Swanson

October 1, 2013

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Pumpkin spice fever is like syphilis. It's contracted easily, spreads quickly, and symptoms include a zombie-like stampede for the antidote: anything containing the rotund orange fruit (yes, pumpkin is a fruit) and that blend of cinnamon-y spices.

Big-shot companies have exploited this phenomenon every autumn for the past decade. From Starbucks' Pumpkin Spice Latte to Shipyard's Pumpkinhead Ale, it's no corporate trade secret that people will shell over bundles of their hard-earned cash to get their pumpkin fix.

It was no surprise when Mars Company released its Pumpkin Spice M&M's at Targets nationwide this fall, and we were just as ecstatic to try them as the next guy. That is, until we took off our pumpkin-tinted glasses long enough to realize we were being ripped off: Pumpkin Spice M&M's don't even taste like pumpkin spice (or whatever pumpkin spice is supposed to taste like), don't contain any pumpkin or cinnamon in their ingredients, and are being packaged in bags three ounces smaller than plain but priced the same.

"This was the worst combination in the M&M product family I've ever tasted," user Storsama wrote in a review on the Pumpkin Spice M&M Target page. "I'm highly disappointed as I am a fan of pumpkin flavoring. The packaging is a lie. It's not pumpkin spice flavored nor chocolate flavored. Hopefully they will make Christmas come true and bring back crispy M&M's since this was a disappointment all around. Steer clear of this product, ye be warned."

We feel you, Stormsama. Thanks, M&M's, for ruining the entire fall season!

When we tried this new Pumpkin Spice M&M, we too were disappointed. These orange, green, and brown pumpkin-patch-inspired candies taste more like stale chocolate M&M's than a specialty seasonal flavor.

Pumpkin spice is usually a mixture of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and cloves. Yet when we looked at the nutritional facts on the other side of the bag, we found no such ingredients, only that an entire bag of M&M's has 1,470 calories and 189 grams of sugar. The bag may contain peanuts, almonds, and wheat, we read, but no traces of pumpkin or spice anywhere.

Almost immediately, we also noticed that the size of the bag was significantly smaller than the regular one. It's marked net weight is 9.90 ounces, but it costs the same amount as a regular 12.60-ounce bag: $2.99. That means you get 21 percent fewer M&M's for your buck.

Not cool, M&M's; not cool.

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Jess Swanson is a staff writer at New Times. Born and raised in Miami, she graduated from the University of Miami’s School of Communication and wrote briefly for the student newspaper until realizing her true calling: pissing off fraternity brothers by reporting about their parties on her crime blog. Especially gifted in jumping rope and solving Rubik’s cubes, she also holds the title for longest stint as an unpaid intern in New Times history. She left the Magic City for New York to earn her master’s degree from Columbia University School of Journalism, where she spent a year profiling circumcised men who were trying to regrow their foreskins for a story that ultimately won the John Horgan Award for Critical Science Journalism. Terrified by pizza rats and arctic temperatures, she quickly returned to her natural habitat.

Contact: Jess Swanson

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Twitter: @jesssswan