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Allen West Hates Coca-Cola's Super Bowl Ad

Allen West, one-term congressman, Tea Party darling, and crusader against anything he deems "un-American," doesn't like Coca-Cola's Super Bowl ad. Not one bit.

The... um... "distinguished gentleman" from South Florida blogged not once -- but twice -- about the Coke ad. According to West's first blog post last evening, the ad started off, "rather patriotically with the words of America the Beautiful."

What could be offensive about America the Beautiful, you (rightfully) ask? Some conservatives apparently feel the song is offensive if it's sung in a language other than English.

West felt the commercial went to hell in a handbasket when "the words went from English to languages I didn't recognize."

No... seriously. West really thinks America is going to hell because of this commercial. After quoting Teddy Roosevelt, who wanted immigrants to learn English within five years of moving to our great land, West concludes with this tidbit:

"I am quite sure there may some who appreciated the commercial, but Coca Cola missed the mark in my opinion. If we cannot be proud enough as a country to sing "America the Beautiful" in English in a commercial during the Super Bowl, by a company as American as they come -- doggone we are on the road to perdition. This was a truly disturbing commercial for me, what say you?"

America. On the road to perdition. Because of this absolutely compelling soda commercial:

Maybe it's me, but this commercial makes me proud that we are still the country that people from the world over still look to as a beacon of freedom, hope, and beauty. West, however, continues to have a much different impression:

Today, West doubled down on his xenophobic opinion and channeled his best Don Draper to make the following suggestion to Coca-Cola for a follow-up commercial:

"Coke's "America the Beautiful" should have been sung in English and showed Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, and Coast Guardsmen of diverse races, sex, and creed deployed all over the world drinking Coca Cola. If you truly want to show a diverse commitment to service, sacrifice, and honor that enables us to live in "America the Beautiful" that would have been rated the best commercial advertisement of the Super Bowl. And we would be here talking about how we were all touched emotionally."

But, of course, West backs down from asking for a full boycott of American born-and-bred Coca-Cola, saying, "I'm not advocating any boycott of Coca Cola, after all I was born and raised in Atlanta." Instead, West asks us to remember the words of George Washington:

"We are either a united people, or we are not. If the former, let us, in all matters of general concern act as a nation, which have national objects to promote, and a national character to support. If we are not, let us no longer act a farce by pretending to it."

Personally, I think the father of our country is somewhere enjoying an icy-cold Coke and rolling his eyes at people who have nothing better to do than try to tear America down in the name of patriotism.

I'm just waiting for West's take on Scarlett Johansson's SodaStream commercial (Israeli company SodaStream is also under fire by conservative Americans because the company employs both Jewish and Palestinian workers at its West Bank factory).

Follow Laine Doss on Twitter @LaineDoss and Facebook.

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times, covering the restaurant and bar scene in South Florida. She has been featured on Cooking Channel’s Eat Street and Food Network’s Great Food Truck Race. Doss won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature on what it’s like to wait tables. In a previous life, she appeared off-Broadway and shook many a cocktail as a bartender at venues in South Florida and New York City. When she’s not writing, you can find Doss running some marathon then celebrating at the nearest watering hole.
Contact: Laine Doss

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