Alton Brown Writes a Fanifesto: His Guidelines for Fans

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

Alton Brown of Good Eats and various other Food Network shows has written a "Fanifesto" on his blog, altonbrown.com, and it's a sometimes comical look into what happens when average citizens turn into celebrities (which happens a lot, given that there are really no stars on television, thanks in part to the Cooking Channel, Bravo, and Food Network).

In the Fanifesto, Brown says that he's different from a real star like George Clooney (in many ways). You wouldn't waltz up to Clooney and expect him to make a YouTube video singing "Happy Birthday" to your grandmother in Kalamazoo.  But you would with a D-lister like Brown.

The making of a birthday video, by the way, is off-limits to Brown (we

guess that he does, somewhere, have some sense of pride).

Also off-limits, according to the Fanifesto, is

talking to Brown while you're both in a public restroom, asking him to

talk to someone on the phone, taking cell phone pictures (because no one

but you knows how to work a cell phone camera), blocking his

path (his lizard brain will kick in), and taking pictures of his family

(who didn't sign up for the fame game and are still considered average citizens like you and me).

What can you do with/to Alton Brown? Apparently, a lot.


can take a picture with him, ask him to autograph anything but your

body or your hamster, make a fan website devoted to him (creepy), draw

him a picture, or bake him a nice pie.  However if you ask him for $12

for the pie, you'll probably get stiffed because he rarely carries cash.

Our advice? Bill him via PayPal.

Read the Fanifesto for yourself here.

Follow Clean Plate Charlie on Facebook and

on Twitter.

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.