Saturday, July 30, is National Cheesecake Day, and we don't mean photos of hot babes in thongs.
To celebrate one of mankind's most efficient and effective methods of ingesting excessive calories and cholesterol, thereby increasing the number of cardiologists who can afford to drive new Mercedes, on that blessed day all million-bazillion Cheesecake Factories on the planet earth will offer any slices of their more than three dozen different cheesy cakes for half-price.
But wait, there's more.
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They'll also be rolling out a brand-new heart attack on a. . . I mean, cheesecake, the Hershey's Chocolate Bar Cheesecake, which according to the Big Cheese himself, is "layers of chocolate cheesecake, moist chocolate cake and ganache, topped with a creamy chocolate frosting and chocolate chips."
There are a couple of restrictions. One, only "one slice of cheesecake per dine-in guest." And, two, you "must be present," which as a dine-in guest, you presumably already are. Or at least I hope so.