Restaurant Reviews

Dead Fish Don't Swim

Let's pull our heads out of the sand for just a minute, shall we?

Let's rip the rose-colored glasses from our mugs and contemplate — clear-eyed and sober — the vast expanse of endless blue, that parallel universe that exists right at our doorstep, home to our weird and watery neighbors: the fish.

Our good neighbors are not doing so hot lately. Or maybe that's the wrong way to put it — they're hot, all right. The temperature's rising; it isn't surprising: Reasonable people predict that our inland and coastal fisheries are in deep potential doodoo as the globe warms. Coral reefs are bleaching out, salinity is increasing — you know the drill. A new study from the National Resources Defense Council has found that neither are things looking particularly bright for our freshwater friends. "Global warming is likely to spur the disappearance of trout and salmon from as much as 18 to 38 percent of their current habitat by the year 2090," goes the good news. No problem, right? We'll be happily ensconced in our heavenly palaces by then, with our virgins and jeroboams of Dom Perignon.

I figure we need to insert fingers firmly in ears, sing "la la la," and get all the seafood we can while the gettin's good. And if we're going out to blow our wad at a fancy new fish joint, we're not planning to tuck in with Mother Jones and her Birkenstock-clad band of eco-freaks sitting across the table. We hope we've invited, instead, somebody pretty and amusing, someone who hasn't just finished reading The End of Nature or the PMCC Rockfish Report.

It's safe to say that most of the diners on a recent evening at Fish, the chic new restaurant opened two months ago by Jack Jackson and family (who also own Jackson's Steak House), don't pore over governmental fishery reports. There were tables full of boiler-room types holding impromptu sales meetings ("OK guys, what makes for a smart salesperson?"). There were bevies of marketing ladies celebrating their birthdays. There were crotchety old captains of industry with second wives, demanding menu tours; and there were middle-aged tourists consulting at length with the sommelier. You can bet that none of them was feeling much guilt about ordering the $30 "Snapper en Papillote."

Fish has the look of a place to indulge oneself, and I already had my eye on the $39 lobster thermidor. This is a thoroughly beautiful restaurant, glittering like mackerel in what is otherwise one of the ugliest areas of Fort Lauderdale — the high-rise condo and hotelville around the 17th Street Causeway, a scary six-lane highway rampaging down its middle. It's like some surreal, South Florida version of Riyadh. You know there's water around somewhere, but you'd need a divining rod to find it. It's an optimistic move to put a high-end seafood place here (with 3030 Ocean within spitting distance), but Gina DeSouza, Jackson's girlfriend, has done a smart, elegant job with the interior design. Jackson spent more than $1.5 million to refurbish the space where Stilleto's used to be; it took a year and a half to knock everything down, put up curving walls and a glass-fronted, walk-in wine room, hang inverted white parasols and pale, square ceiling fixtures, and get the juice flowing in the waterfall behind the bar. Pretty! So many nice touches to the décor: The high backs on the wooden dining chairs act as semiscreens, providing privacy from your too-close neighbors. Soothing hues of beiges and whites. A wall of flickering faux candles. The dark wood bar and the luscious wine bottles stacked in their nooks behind pristine glass. Everything sparkles. I can't imagine what their cleaning bill must be.

The servers match the décor: beautiful girls in black, tossing glossy ponytails over slender, bare shoulders. The nubile siren who brought my martini was nervous and spilled it. Most of these lovelies were probably not hired based on their vast experience in the food-service industry, although our main waitress was knowledgeable, eager to discuss the menu, and as unruffled as a clear lake on a windless day. She walked us through the various possibilities and warned us off the duds with subtlety and tact, for which I am grateful.

Alex Dziurzynski is executive chef; he's overseeing Jackson's at the same time. Steve LaBiner, who owned the old Hobo's Fish Joint, had been running the kitchen, but "things didn't work out," according to Jackson's daughter Nicole Allison (Allison manages the restaurant; her husband, Trace, is maître d'). How I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall during that exit interview. LaBiner closed Hobo's reportedly due to "personal problems," worked briefly at Michael Collins on South Beach, then turned up for his aborted stint at Fish. I can't tell you if it's LaBiner or Dziurzynski who's responsible for bizarre entrées like a dish of shrimp, lobster, and scallops with pappardelle noodles tossed with banana, mango, coconut flakes, papaya, and chopped macadamia nuts and "enhanced" with Amaretto "nage." But somebody was getting high in the kitchen the day they dreamed up that idea.

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Gail Shepherd
Contact: Gail Shepherd