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Denny's Promises Free Breakfast Tomorrow

February 1st, during the Superbowl, not only did Hulu admit it's got an evil plot to take over the world, but Denny's promised everyone in America that on Tuesday between 6am and 2pm they're giving everyone in America a free Grand Slam. Instant, disposable, corporate junk food culture be damned, free breakfast is free breakfast. See you in the bread line.

I called the Denny's at 3600 Biscayne Boulevard, the one closest to the New Times building, to find out about crackheads, old ladies and waiting on line. Pam picked up the phone and here's what she said.

Pam: I already know what you're gonna ask about, it's from 6am to 2pm.

New Times: Is it take out or dine in?

P: Dine in only.

NT: What if you run out of food?

P: We're not gonna run out of food sir, don't worry.

NT: Well how many people do you think are gonna show up.

Pam: We want all of Miami sir.

NT: Holy shit, that's like 7 million people; you don't have enough food for that.

P: Well there's more than one Denny's in Miami.

NT: Well how many you expecting at 36th and Biscayne.

Pam: Probably four or five thousand.

NT: Damn, that's a lot of eggs, what's in a Grand Slam anyway.

P: Two pancakes, two eggs, four bacon, four sausage or two bacon and two sausage

NT: What if I get stuck in line behind an old lady with no teeth and she eats really slow, and cause of her I miss out.

P: There's more than one table sir.

NT: Will you be serving crackheads?

P: Whatever walks through that door, we're serving.

NT: What if you're allergic to pancakes?

P: No substitutions.

NT: See ya tomorrow.

Pam: I'll be here.

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Jacob Katel

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