Food News

Donald Trump Tells Glenfiddich, "Ya Fired!"

Every once in a while the overgrown toddler that is Donald Trump throws a billionaire-sized temper tantrum because something didn't go his way or someone hurt his wittle feewings.

Like any self respecting megalomaniac, he unilaterally assumes that everyone in the universe except the offender is on his side.

In this case, the entire nation of Scotland and Trump are supposed to be offended. The perp? Distillers of Glenfiddich Scotch Whisky, William Grant & Sons.

Of course, it was the nation of Scotland that collectively did the thing that offended Trump, but when you're a billionaire, you don't let pesky little details like facts and reality get in your way.

Follow the jump for some facts and reality...

As related in the documentary, You've Been Trumped, the Donald was building one of his gratuitous tourist traps - in this case a golf course - in Scotland. In the documentary he is accused intimidating environmental critics and unhappy locals into silence. He also allegedly shut down a wind farm that was crowding his view, so he could build a golf course in a country that presumably has plenty already considering they invented the damn sport.

One man, the hero of You've Been Trumped, stood against the modern day rampage, a Scottish farmer by the name of Michael Forbes.

Recently, Michael Forbes was voted "Top Scot" in an annual contest that happens to be sponsored by Glenfiddich. It is important to note that this is quite literally a popularity contest that is voted on by THE PEOPLE OF SCOTLAND and not unilaterally awarded by Glenfiddich's parent company William Grant & Sons.

Remember this fact as you read on to learn that Trump has declared the awarding of the honor to Forbes as an embarrassment to the Scottish people.

Trump first declared that Glenfiddich Scotch is crap, that William Grant & Sons is jealous he didn't grant them the honor of distilling his far superior Trump Scotch, and that Glenfiddich would never be served again in any Trump property, anywhere in the world. So there!

Now, Trump is calling on people everywhere - who presumably adore and respect Trump - to boycott Glenfiddich Scotch...

We say, head over to Trump International Beach Resort in North Miami (because Trump International Hotel & Tower in Fort Lauderdale was a big ol' fail and you can't go there) and order some Glenfiddich. Get as many friends together as you can. Tell your friends and followers on Twitter and Facebook. Offer to buy a round for the bar of Glenfiddich!

And when the bartender says they don't carry it, look at him aghast and reply, "Ya fired!" before walking grandly out the front door.

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Rebecca McBane is the arts and culture/food editor for New Times Broward-Palm Beach. She began her journalism career at the Sun Sentinel's community newspaper offshoot, Forum Publishing Group, where she worked as the editorial assistant and wrote monthly features as well as the weekly library and literature column, "Shelf Life." After a brief stint bumming around London's East End (for no conceivable reason, according to her poor mother), she returned to real life and South Florida to start at New Times as the editorial assistant in 2009. A native Floridian, Rebecca avoids the sun and beach at all costs and can most often be found in a well-air-conditioned space with the glow of a laptop on her face.
Contact: Rebecca McBane