But Saturday, May 28, is national hamburger day, and instead of just going out for fast food, why not go all out and do something totally crazy?
After all, it's just one day.
5. Go into any Burger King and demand to speak to His Royal Highness. If the king happens to be working at another franchise that day, force another employee to don a crown. Then declare yourself the Earl of Hamburg and challenge them to a duel in the parking lot.
4. Get a Hamburglar costume and a crowbar and start committing a string of break-ins in your neighborhood. When you're arrested, produce a document signed by Mayor McCheese specifically telling you that today it was fine to do that.
3. Just to be a jerk, throw a big barbecue, serving everything, including hot dogs, grilled chicken, and hamburgers. But make the hamburgers meatless, with nothing but buns, lettuce, tomato, mayo, cheese, pickles, and catsup. When people protest, just yell, "What? They can't even have one day a year off?" Then kick everyone out.
2. Buy a Big Mac and laminate it in clear epoxy resin. Place it prominently on your desk at work. When anyone tries talking to you that day, just point to the Big Mac and say, "Seriously? You don't know what day it is?" Then make them sing the Big Mac song. If they screw up the part about the special sauce, dismiss them with a wave of your hand and don't speak to them for at least a week. Do this every year.
1. If Lady Gaga can make a meat dress work, then the time has come for a raw-burger bikini. For the top, two patties might function better as pasties.
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