February 24, 2011 | 7:20am
We know that servers hate their customers and vice versa, but no one ever talks about the little monsters who wreak havoc on a waiter's day. The little monsters you call your kids, siblings, or grandkids. I think you get the picture.
You love them, but admit it, sometimes you want to drive your head through a wall -- and you're related to them! Just imagine what strangers think of them.
Servers, before you quit your jobs, remember they'll be gone in about 30 minutes. If not, spike their sprite/cranberry/lemonade concoction with a roofie. They'll be none the wiser.
For the safer choice, rant it out after the jump.
Here are the five kid situations that'll get on your nerves:
5) The Screamer.
"Why are they screaming like they have Tourette's syndrome?" Enough said.
If you actually have Tourette's syndrome, continue screaming.
4) The Picky Eater.
They order the pizza sans basil and sans cheese, then two seconds later, they change their order to chicken nuggets with extra fries. When the order arrives, one of the following occurs: The food remains untouched, the food is sent back (a piece of parsley made its way onto the fries), the food is taken to go (i.e., the father will eat the untouched chicken nuggets after they sit in the fridge for two days).
3) The Gamer.
They do not interact with anyone at the table or anyone in the restaurant, for that matter. The kid is "IN THE ZONE." By the way, their gaming device costs more than what you make on a good night in tips, and the kid's only 10 years old.
2) The Silent One.
One second ago, they were crying bloody murder; now, you can't get them to open their mouths for a drink order. Who knew ordering water was a torturing device used in Guantanamo Bay? BEWARE: This situation could easily turn into a scream fest.
1) The Runner.
They may or may not have ADHD, but they can't sit still in their seats. They run around the restaurant like they're karate kids. Flying plates, spilled food, crying children. Bam, it's a goddamned Taverna Opa.
Follow Clean Plate Charlie on Facebook and on Twitter: @CleanPlateBPB.