Fruitcake looks like it has little pieces of poo in it.
Fruitcake looks like it has little pieces of poo in it.

Five Things to do with Fruitcake (Since You Obviously Won't Eat It)

Come Christmas we wouldn't be surprised if Santa left us a lump of coal. Coal wouldn't be so bad because we could use it to set his sleigh on fire. But if we got a fruitcake we'd be dissapointed really, really mad.

Whomever decided that gifting a "hunk of dense bread with bits of neon fruit in the middle" was a good idea should be shot. God knows even Fido won't eat the Christmas mound so check out five new things you can do with it after the jump.

5. Wrap a bow around it and give it to your boss

In these hard economic times, you want to thank your boss for putting up with you every day. They don't pay you enough, though, so re-gifting something you hate is the perfect present.

4. Wrap it in plastic and use it as a beach pillow
It's just large enough to comfortably support your head as you spend your holiday in the sand. Wrapping it in plastic just ensures that nasty fruit doesn't touch your coifed 'do.

3. Keep one under your pillow for safety
You've heard the phrase "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, fruitcake doesn't kill people, it just maims.

2. Use them as building blocks
We're not talking child's play here. Seriously, save up and build a house. Homes are expensive, but not when all the bricks have been gifted to you.

1. Give it to your ex-boyfriend
Make sure to tie a note that says "this is how much you meant to me."

Follow Clean Plate Charlie on Twitter: @CleanPlateBPB.


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