Foods Not to Order on a Valentine's Day Date

Everyone knows that garlic, onions, and super-stuffed bean burritos are the kiss of death for a hot Valentine's Day date, whether it's a first encounter or you and your honey are approaching that seven-year itch. Other time-tested items that you can add to that Do Not Eat list include; bbq spare ribs, all-you-can-eat Indian food buffet, beer cheese soup, hot wings, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off that your mother packed for you before you left the house. 

Presuming you like your date, there are some other highly-suspect foods and beverages that should be avoided lest your night end with you in your sweatpants, alone on the couch with nothing but a marathon of MacGyver and your disappointment to keep you company. On the other hand, if you're looking to ditch out on your Valentine's Day companion, consider this a step-by-step guide on how to bring the evening to a screeching halt.

Below are the 7 deadly things to not order on a Valentine's Day date:

7. Whole lobster - Dismembering a crustacean corpse in front of a new date isn't the most appealing image, particularly if you've donned one of those dopey plastic bibs and you
don't know what you're doing (shards of shell in your date's eye=no booty for you). This is especially true if you're paying, but you hinted that she should order something cheap cause "2010 was kind of a rough year, financially speaking."

6. Moons Over My Hammy; anything from the menu at Denny's - Also, why did you take your date to Denny's?

5. Veal, foie gras, lamb, an omelette made from snowy white owl eggs - Unless you know his or her stance on consuming cute, cuddly creatures, you might as well be kicking a puppy on your way to the restroom.

4. A glass of milk - Dorky at best; "I collect drinking straws and chewed-up gum used by my favorite Disney Channel stars" at worst. 

3. Red Bull and vodka (by the half dozen) - This one says less Romantic evening with my paramour than it does Time to get effed up with my brahs and pump my fist in the air, brah! Where's my Blue Tooth?   

2. Peanut-crusted Tilapia - Mere moments after your date tells you they are deathly allergic to peanuts.   
1. Body shots - As requested to be taken off of the taut belly of the waiter/waitress/bartender/possibly underage "hottie" sitting at the next table.


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Tricia Woolfenden