Fort Lauderdale Water Contamination and You

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Murphy's Law works after all: No sooner then we preach the benefits Florida's clean tap water in this very publication, the hand of the Almighty descends from on high and dumps a bunch of industrial lubricant into Fort Lauderdale's water supply. Now, residents and restaurateurs alike are scrambling to pick up bottled water to drink and cook with, lest they lubricate their insides with the tainted liquid.

It's bad enough that the threat of hurricanes has everyone rushing to the store in a frenzy to buy up enough water to keep a small country afloat - but now we have to buy, buy, buy water in ideal weather too. Well, that's South Florida for you. If we're not scared about something, we're not paying attention.

But what if, for whatever reason, you can't get your hands on bottled agua?

Well, now's a great time to use up all those cans of beef stew you had brewing in your cabinets from three Hurricane seasons ago. Cook 'em up with old sterno candles and kill two birds with one stone.

Or, just substitute water you might use in a recipe with beer - nature's answer to H2O. Braise vegetables in beer for a unique flavor, and pasta boiled in beer makes its own sauce. Prego!

As far as what to do with all that Fort Lauderdale tap that's going to waste, you might want to store the stuff for the future. If bottled water shoots up past gas prices, even the tainted stuff will command some fair market value. And, in the worst case scenario, homeowners can use the slippery liquid to lube up for all those eager Wall Street bankers in the event that Congress approves their 700 billion dollar bailout. Now that's some truly scary stuff.

-- John Linn

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.