We're not talking about the organic goat milk they sell at Whole Foods. We're talking about the stuff you pour on your Coco Puffs and dunk your Oreos in: plain Jane, pasteurized cow milk.
A gallon of milk in Florida currently costs around $4. Whether you prefer whole or skim, or voted for Obama or didn't, if Congress doesn't pass new legislation by the end of the year, we will all fall off the "dairy cliff" where eight-dollar-a-gallon milk awaits us at the bottom.
In 2008 a last-minute farm bill was passed that pushed this financial dairy cliff to the end of this year. If Congress can't pass another farm bill in time, the 1949 law will kick in which would force the federal government to buy dairy at double the going rate.
Milk prices would skyrocket first. There would be shortages in supermarkets. Milk warehouses would switch to powdered milk warehouses. Cheese and butter prices would rise soon after.
In this dystopian post-dairy cliff society, dairy-less milk substitutes would replace the real stuff. Soy milk will be poured on cereal! Chocolate milk will be chocolate cashew milk! Oreos would be dunked in almond milk!!!
Our milk future is bleak, unless Congress can finally pass some legislation. Even if it's just a temporary extension. If there is something Congress should be able to agree on it's that there is no bigger injustice to our country than a Oreo being dunked in almond milk.
And if all else fails, there's always human breast milk for sale on Craigslist.