Happy Birthday, Waffle House! (Five Unusual Reasons to Love It)

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

Labor Day weekend has finally arrived and you know what that means -- BBQ, beer, one less day spent enduring annoying co-workers, and of course, enjoying your annual Waffle House birthday festivus. This Labor Day, Waffle House turns the big 5-3.

Tricked out hash browns, doubled-down patty melts, and 24-hour waffles are just a few reasons to celebrate the Waffle House. Here are five overlooked reasons to dust off your party hat and kazoo...

5.  The Ominous Feeling that Something Bad is About to Go Down
 Like an Edward Hopper painting, the magnetic glow of fluorescent lamps inside of the restaurant illuminates the faces of weary truck drivers,broke college students with the munchies, and the usual handful of dodgy locals. While dining, one can't help but notice that there aren't many cars in the pitch black parking lot. The crazy guy sitting across you licking his lips while staring intently at you does little to help ease your mind.

Dining in the dark at a table for two: $150.00.  Dining while having the sinking feeling that someone may attack you when you leave: Priceless.

4. Sketchy Bathrooms

Waffle House just isn't  the same without a sketchy bathroom. A fun game to play with your friends the next time you go to Waffle House is "Guess What's in the Bathroom". If you find wall scrawlings rife with sexual innuendo, muddy floors, and/or a stall festooned with wet toilet paper, you win. As you can see, I lost this game on a recent visit. 

3. Colorful Late Night Patrons
 A picture is worth a

thousand words...but in an effort to keep all of my teeth, I opted not

to  snap pics of the surly bikers sitting nearby.

2. Cooks With Freakish Brainpower

While many of us struggle to remember what we ate for breakfast, Waffle

House cooks are able to remember dozens of orders without seeing a

single order slip. They can also guess your age and weight with 95%


1. The Jukebox

Everyone loves an old school jukebox, especially one that plays songs that were written before your great-grandmother was a speck in her mother's eye. There is something for everyone on the Waffle House jukebox. From Mystikal and The Dixie Chicks to Lou Bega and Dionne Warwick, Waffle House has got you covered. Three words: Birthday Party Dance-Off.

Happy Birthday Waffle House! May all of your wishes be scattered, smothered, and covered.

For the Waffle House nearest you, see the store locator.

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.