As if we didn't already hate Miami Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria (and don't worry, we did), he just alienated every last person willing to give him the benefit of the doubt by selling off all the good players we had started to like (he holds fire sales every time a roster gets half-decent), and trading them for .... a few nobodies and Yunel Escobar, best known for writing gay slurs on his face in Spanish.
Loria is hated for many legitimate reasons, including lying about the team's finances, failing to share revenues with players, and bamboozling Miami into paying for a monstrosity of a stadium that tortures fish and tortures peoples' eyeballs with the sculpture in the outfield. But this goes beyond.
For more details about the reasons to hate Loria, see:
-- Boycott the Marlins and Sue Loria for Racketeering!
-- Miami Marlins Keep Lying About Stadium
-- Logan Morrison is the Marlins' Wild Child
Assuming the team does NOT get dismantled, we know you'll carry out your civic duties by boycotting games next year (who wants to see baseball indoors, in the air conditioning anyway??), but here are four other ways foodies can protest with their forks:
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4.) Even if you get FREE tickets, don't eat the stadium food.
We love us some Marlins players, but even fans joke that the food is better than the baseball. It's easy to get sensory overload going to a game here; you have to hunt to find a humble hot dog amid the sausage and peppers, sushi rolls, full-liquor bar, the outpost of the Clevelander, and an entire gluten-free kiosk. But Loria profits from those concessions. So even if someone gives you free tickets to a game in the 2013 season and you want go to support the hostages like Logan Morrison and Giancarlo Stanton who remain on the team, pack a baloney sandwich.
3.) Don't buy Loria's wife's cookbook.
I wish I had a rich husband who was super connected to Major League Baseball so I could get the players to give me their recipes, pose for pictures, provide all the star power, and then and then slap my name on the book jacket as "author," but alas, only Julie Loria got to do that. Diamond Dishes might have hot pics of A-Rod with kale, but don't give the Lorias one more penny or the satisfaction of a notch in sales. Don't even spend the $2.17 it will cost to pick up this thing at Amazon.
2.) Petition the South Beach Wine and Food Festival to disassociate from the Marlins.
The world famous festival has an event based on Diamond Dishes as part of its 2013 lineup. On Twitter, just after the news of Loria's sale broke, South Florida food personality Chowfather -- a noted sports fan -- suggested that the fest should rethink its support. We're all for an event that highlights female chefs and lets fans into an otherwise off-limits venue. Maybe they can relocate this thing to ... UM's stadium? Coral Castle? Alex Rodriguez's house? Lee Schrager, are you listening!!!????
1.) Don't eat Marlin.
I know, this probably hurts poor fishermen more than it hurts Jeffrey Loria, but we have to stand up on principle here, guys. No Marlin, no swordfish, don't even go near a copy of The Old Man and the Sea.