New Reality Show Casting Overweight Chefs, Foodies

The producers of such "high-brow" television fare as Kitchen Nightmares and Celebrity Fit Club have finally realized where to merge their two successful concepts into one big, fat concept of a show -- make a show about overweight food-industry workers trying to lose weight!

The television reality show docu-series is looking for foodies who need to lose 75 pounds or more. Yes, they're looking for chefs, but you know those television producers. Basically if you're a chef, a cook, a restaurant server, bartender, fisherman, butcher, baker, cookbook author, food tester, or food blogger (yay! we're eligible!) and can stand to lose half a person or more, these people want to talk to you.

Participants will be tracked and humiliated for 17 weeks. They'll have a personal trainer and dietitian help them lose weight. We're pretty certain contestants will also be subjected to a host of embarrassing tasks like running in the sun naked or crying in front of the camera because you miss your teddy bear, mommy, and evening jelly doughnut.


If you think you qualify, send your full name, occupation, age, contact number, height, weight, location, and marital status (just write in single because even if you're in a committed realationship, you'll be divorced and alone by the time this crap airs), as well as two photos of your big gut and an essay in 200 words or fewer about why you want to pimp yourself out to Culinaryweightlosscasting@gmail.com. Complete rules are here.

No word yet on which television station has picked up this garbage, but we're sure it will be a hit.

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times, covering the restaurant and bar scene in South Florida. She has been featured on Cooking Channel’s Eat Street and Food Network’s Great Food Truck Race. Doss won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature on what it’s like to wait tables. In a previous life, she appeared off-Broadway and shook many a cocktail as a bartender at venues in South Florida and New York City. When she’s not writing, you can find Doss running some marathon then celebrating at the nearest watering hole.
Contact: Laine Doss