Nutella Theft: What Would You Do With Five Metric Tons?

In perhaps the single greatest outrage since the Canadian Maple Syrup Thefts of 2012 (let us all pause for a moment of silence over our dry pancakes) the Associated Press is reporting that in Germany thieves have made off with about five metric tons of Nutella.

Yes, they have now come for your back-up breakfast spread.

From the Associated Press:

BERLIN -- These thieves might really have sticky fingers.

Police said Monday an unknown number of culprits made off with 5 metric tons (5.5 tons) of Nutella chocolate-hazelnut spread from a parked trailer in the central German town of Bad Hersfeld over the weekend. The gooey loot is worth an estimated 16,000 euros ($20,710). Germans news agency dpa reported that thieves have previously stolen a load of energy drinks from the same location.

Clearly, they needed the energy drinks to fuel their Nutella heist.

Hopefully, the theives will be captured after they check into local hospitals suffering from energy drink induced heart palpitations and/or diabetic seizures.

Luckily, the chocolate-hazelnut spread here on our shores is still safe. And, if after reading about this sweet perfidy, you find yourself jonesing for some, here are some local establishments that will slather it on for you while you daydream about what you would do with five metric tons of Nutella.



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Rebecca McBane is the arts and culture/food editor for New Times Broward-Palm Beach. She began her journalism career at the Sun Sentinel's community newspaper offshoot, Forum Publishing Group, where she worked as the editorial assistant and wrote monthly features as well as the weekly library and literature column, "Shelf Life." After a brief stint bumming around London's East End (for no conceivable reason, according to her poor mother), she returned to real life and South Florida to start at New Times as the editorial assistant in 2009. A native Floridian, Rebecca avoids the sun and beach at all costs and can most often be found in a well-air-conditioned space with the glow of a laptop on her face.
Contact: Rebecca McBane