Nutella Theft: What Would You Do With Five Metric Tons?

In perhaps the single greatest outrage since the Canadian Maple Syrup Thefts of 2012 (let us all pause for a moment of silence over our dry pancakes) the Associated Press is reporting that in Germany thieves have made off with about five metric tons of Nutella.

Yes, they have now come for your back-up breakfast spread.

From the Associated Press:

BERLIN -- These thieves might really have sticky fingers.

Police said Monday an unknown number of culprits made off with 5 metric tons (5.5 tons) of Nutella chocolate-hazelnut spread from a parked trailer in the central German town of Bad Hersfeld over the weekend. The gooey loot is worth an estimated 16,000 euros ($20,710). Germans news agency dpa reported that thieves have previously stolen a load of energy drinks from the same location.

Clearly, they needed the energy drinks to fuel their Nutella heist.

Hopefully, the theives will be captured after they check into local hospitals suffering from energy drink induced heart palpitations and/or diabetic seizures.

Luckily, the chocolate-hazelnut spread here on our shores is still safe. And, if after reading about this sweet perfidy, you find yourself jonesing for some, here are some local establishments that will slather it on for you while you daydream about what you would do with five metric tons of Nutella.

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