After a long day writing about five-star restaurants making teeny-tiny portions of foam-infused fois-gras petit fours, we sometimes long for... well, junk food and plenty of it.
Like you, we obsess over slices of bacon, five-patty burgers, and more bacon. That's when we fire up our computers and look at porn... food porn, that is. Especially the food porn that is Epic Meal Time.
Harley Mortenstein and his gang of food degenerates cook up batches of artery-clogging food that can only be described as dangerous (and delicious). From bacon to booze, here are our five favorite Epic Meal Time videos.
5. You know the Turducken, right? How about Epic Meal Time's TurBaconEpic (a 20-pound pig stuffed with a turkey, stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken, stuffed with a cornish hen, stuffed with a quail, stuffed with bacon and croissants, covered with Dr. Pepper and smoked. Calorie Count: 72,046 Fat Count: 6,892 grams.
4. Grilled Cheese Tower -- Is there such a thing as grilled cheese overkill? Not in our book, so when the EMT guys make a 12-story tower of bacon and cheese goodness (complete with Jägermeister-dipped bread), we're fine with that! Added points to the bacon and catnip kitty meal for their furry friend. Calorie Count: 7,700 Fat Count: 742 grams.
3. Candy Pizza -- What do you get when you make a pizza crust out of cinnamon buns and add cherry pie filling, cheese, gummy worms, and twice-candied bacon? An epic meal time! (no calorie counter -- though we're guessing it's a lot).
2. 84 Egg Sandwich -- The Epic Meal Time guys drive through a McDonald's and order 90 Egg McMuffins (30 plain, 30 sausage, and 30 with the pink meat discs). They then go home and deconstruct them to make the 84 egg sandwich (we're guessing six eggs were lost in the making). Calorie count: 48,138 Fat Count: 3,48 grams.
1. At some point, every cooking show explores the food and culture of another country. These guys invite some Russians over for a little bacon, vodka, guns and... hand grenades. No calorie or fat count, but the fact that the meal is served directly on the firearms totally makes up for that.
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