In fact, don't. Do not snort it. Seriously. It's sad we have to say these things.
When it comes to powdery white substances, we tend to think flour, sugar, and, obviously, cocaine.
The former are plainly used for creating our favorite baked goods and pastries.
And the latter... well, you know what that's all about.
Turns out we're about to see our newest mind-altering white powder; it's supposed to cross the line between taste-bud sensation and a good buzz.
Palcohol, a powdered alcohol substance, was recently approved by the federal government, which means we're probably going to see a new trend of snorting yourself into alcohol poisoning. (This is why we can't have nice things.)
Distilled from cane, the product is said to be made from premium Puerto Rican rum. A vodka version also exists.
You're probably asking "why" right about now.
Because "Sometimes liquid isn't convenient. Because Palcohol is powder, you can take it anywhere to enjoy a cocktail. That's why we say: Take your Pal wherever you go!," says the company.
Screw your flask. Fuck the bartender's flair. It's all about getting shwasted in a jiffy these days -- no mixers necessary.
Even with the stress on convenience, the company warns that it's not supposed to be snorted. According to the site:
We have seen comments about goofballs wanting to snort it. Don't do it! It is not a responsible or smart way to use the product. To take precautions against this action, we've added volume to the powder so it would take more than a half of a cup of powder to get the equivalent of one drink up your nose. You would feel a lot of pain for very little gain. Just use it the right way.
We're sure you -- and your idiot kids -- will listen to the firm warning.
Now, you're probably wondering, what's the purpose of a powdery substance if it's not going up your schnoz? So you can take your booze everywhere with you, silly. Because there's no such thing as having fun without getting drunk.
The company expects it to hit the market this fall.
Follow Sara Ventiera on Twitter, @saraventiera.
Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.