Ruth Bourdain, that crazy morph between Ruth Reichl and Anthony Bourdain, is at it again. In response to Alton Brown's Fanifesto, Ruth Bourdain has issued his/her own guidelines for fans on her Comfort Me With Offal blog.

Entitled Mein Fanf, Ruth Bourdain gives props to Brown for the

idea, even though she admits it's "douchy". She/he/ then lays down the

law by coming up with a few rules of her/his own on how to deal with

celebrity chefs. Some tips/tricks include:

Bring a first aid kit to all Paula Deen events. There's a high probability you

will be deep-fried.

When a celebrity chef is on book tour, keep physical contact to a minimum,

unless you are bearing foie gras. Then, all bets are off.

If you go to a book signing with Nigella Lawson, try not to fall into her

cleavage. You may never get out.

As with all rules, there are a few no-no's, like:

Please don't talk to celebrity chefs in a public restroom. That's what private

restrooms are for.

Please don't ask a celebrity chef to talk to someone on the phone. Unless, that

is, you have Ferran Adria on the line. God, I can talk to that guy for hours.

And, of course, there are some things that should never be questioned:

If Mario Batali asks you to shave his truffles, you do it.

To read all of Ruth's Mein Fanf rules, click here.
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