Seven Gross Blended Drinks (in Honor of Jamba Juice's Cheeseburger Chill) | Clean Plate Charlie | South Florida | Broward Palm Beach New Times | The Leading Independent News Source in Broward-Palm Beach, Florida


Seven Gross Blended Drinks (in Honor of Jamba Juice's Cheeseburger Chill)

Jamba Juice recently debuted a joke commercial featuring the "Cheeseburger Chill." The ad was intended to mock McDonald's for entering the smoothie business. The intended message was: We don't go around making smoothies out of cheeseburgers, so stick to what you're good at, Mickie D's! 

Well... what's so bad about a cheeseburger smoothie? As it turned out -- nothing, as we discovered after blending a burger. It was actually kinda tasty!

After the experiment, we couldn't stop --  risking our taste buds was just too thrilling! 

So we set out to find other blended goodies... but got more than we bargained for. Hence, the following list. Note: we wimped out couldn't find all the ingredients to replicate these drinks, so no taste buds were harmed in the making of this post.

The Top Seven Gross Blended Drinks 

7. Cactus Smoothie -- Composed mostly of cactus and orange juice, this smoothie was created by someone from a Mexican produce store in Texas. They ask that you take a towering plant and blend it into a pure green liquid. Garnish with a lime to distract you from the spiky flavor.

Check out the rest after the jump.

6. Durian Smoothie -- This spiky, exotic fruit is considered a delicacy that's supposed to be rather delicious. But only if you can get past the smell, which has been compared to stale vomit. Yum.

5. The McNuggetini -- Geez, it's no wonder Americans are obese. This milk shake -- invented by two gals in L.A., initially as a joke -- combines chocolate ice cream with vanilla vodka and a rim dipped in barbecue sauce. 
As if it's not lardy enough, it's garnished with a McDonald's chicken McNugget. 

4. Liver Smoothie -- Mmm, ten slices of raw calf liver. Created by some guy named Mike, this apparently has vital nutrients that will keep you healthy.

To be fair, Mike wasn't suggesting that you eat baby animal organs for fun, and for that, we'll give him credit. He's actually into "beach fitness" and even notes that digging in the sand and finding a few crabs to toss in the blender will help the recipe.

3. Cockroach Juice -- Leave it to some crazy people to take live cockroaches and blend them with milk.

​Thankfully the "World Must Be Crazy" blog provided decent documentation of the blended project. Note to copycats: Ingredients might easily be found, but judging from the images, it does look like the roaches need to be sautéed before blending.

2. Frog Juice (Jugo De Rana) -- Apparently popular in Peru, this delicacy blends a freshly killed frog with broth. It's supposed to contain copious amounts of potassium and taste oddly like Shredded Wheat. 

But the reason we give it first prize is because the familiarity of the ingredients (tuna, milk, even a banana), all puréed into a shake, really turns our stomachs. 

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Devin Desjarlais

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