Lists

Ten Excuses for Eating at McDonald's

What could be worse than eating at a McDonald's?

In this post-Fast Food Nation, post Super-Size Me, anti-corporate clime, there's hardly anything less PC than taking your jalopy through a Mickey D's drive-through for a greasy gut-bomb. Especially now that the Indie Burger Revolution has rolled through, what with all those Grandpa Jed's Olde-Timey Hamburg Emporiums, and small-batch newbies like Six Mens, with their free-range fries and what-not. Jeez -- why not just slurp down a BP milkshake and club a baby seal while you're at it, you scumbag?!?

Lucky for you, our hung-over and hungry little pal, we've come up with ten clever lines you can deploy to mitigate the guilt-tripping the next time your girlfriend leans in for a kiss then recoils: "Ew! Did you just eat at McDonald's??!!"

For maximum impact, wipe those sesame seeds off your shirt first.


10. "I read in Maxim that a Quarter-Pounder is just like a meaty Cialis -- without the headaches, blurred vision, and facial flushing."

9. "You know, if it wasn't for all those donations to the Ronald McDonald House, your sister would still be in juvie.

8. "C'mon, hon -- I took out that middle-bun-thingy from the Big Mac to cut the carbs!"

7. "You mean to tell me you're not the least bit curious about the radioactive half-life of a Shamrock Shake?"

6. "I'm just doing my part, tryin' to put that last nail in Jack N the Box's coffin."

5: "With the windows down, the scent of salt and grease came wafting in, and I

accidentally mistook it for alpine wildflowers I wanted to pick for you."

4: "I thought eating a quintessentially American meal might give the U.S.

an edge in the World Cup." (This one failed miserably.)

3: "Sorry, but the intrepid adventurer in me cannot rest until I fully

understand the mysteries of The Special Sauce."

2: "C'mon, babe -- them cows are already dead!"

1: "The slogan 'I'm lovin' it!' really reminded me of our first date

together."



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Jeff Stratton
Contact: Jeff Stratton