10. You bleach your hair blond, buy a junker Camaro, and run around saying things like, "Winner, winner, chicken dinner."
9. You can sit through an entire episode of Top Chef without ever reaching for the clicker.
8. You believe Kelly Choi has talent.
7. Rachael Ray no longer makes you want to scratch your eyeballs out.
6. You're beginning to think Tom Colicchio really isn't an asshole.
5. You're beginning to think Jeffrey Steingarten isn't an even bigger asshole.
4. You miss Emeril Lagasse.
3. It no longer seems odd that Giada De Laurentiis' head is three times too big for her body.
You keep waiting for some overstressed cook to chase Ted Allen around the
studio with a chef's knife screaming, "I'll chop your head off, you pansy!"
And the number-one sign you're watching too many cooking shows...
1. When your SO makes a crummy meal, your response is, "Please pack your knives and go."