Holidays

Valentine's Day for Morons: Pizza Hut, Hooters, and More

Personally, we don't love Valentine's Day. It's a forced holiday where you're made to feel bad if you don't have someone to give you flowers and candy. 

We're not sure if the new trend is the anti-V-Day, but we can safely say that the following Valentine's Day promotions are so bad they're amazing. Take your sweetie to the following -- if you dare. But be warned... Clean Plate Charlie will not be held responsible for any drinks thrown in your face, breakups, breakdowns, or any thing else that may occur.

McDonald's
Mickey D's is offering a coupon book of treats.

Meant for kiddies, but in this day of XBox and Glee, we're not sure what

child would be thrilled to receive a coupon good for a carton of plain

white milk. The book is a buck and comes with 12 coupons --

some good for a carton of milk, some good for apple juice, some for a

small burger. Whatever happened to those little candy hearts?

Dunkin' Donuts
Dunkin'

breaks out the heart-shaped mold for Valentine's Day and royal

weddings. Two flavors are available -- both equally obnoxious. The

Cupid's Choice Donut is a heart-shaped

Bavarian kreme, topped with strawberry icing and heart-shaped sprinkles. The Chocolate Heart

is a chocolate-frosted, heart-shaped doughnut with vanilla butter creme

filling, topped with chocolate chips. 

Wendy's
The burger chain is going retro with its Where's the Beef T-shirts. These shirts sell for $20, and proceeds benefit the Dave Thomas

Foundation, which helps children in orphanages find permanent homes. We

suggest (of course) drawing a strategically placed downward arrow on

the shirt in Sharpie before giving it to your favorite guy for V-day.

Pizza Hut
What the hell is Pizza Hut thinking with its $10,010 Valentine's Day Proposal Package

Yes... you read that correctly. Some genius at Pizza Hut thought it

would be clever to offer this package, which consists of a ruby ring, a

limo ride to Pizza Hut, flowers, a fireworks show, a photographer, a

videographer, and a $10 Pizza Hut dinner box to ten clueless people. Because we all know that every girl dreams of getting engaged at Pizza

Hut. The offer is good until February 14, so hurry. And don't worry --

you'll get a full refund if you don't use the package by March 31.

Hooters
If you thought getting engaged at Pizza Hut was bad, imagine Valentine's Day at Hooters. This V-Day, Hooters is urging men to forget the ring, give her wings.

This makes Hooters truly live up to its name, because only a real boob

would take his date there. If you go, you'll find a holiday

special of 20 wings for $9.99. Hope you're hungry, because we just saw

your girlfriend driving away in your car. Here's a video of Hooters girls

giving you hints on what to buy your best gal for Valentine's Day. Suggestions include a couples massage, jewelry, sky diving, and implants

(only kidding):




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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times, covering the restaurant and bar scene in South Florida. She has been featured on Cooking Channel’s Eat Street and Food Network’s Great Food Truck Race. Doss won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature on what it’s like to wait tables. In a previous life, she appeared off-Broadway and shook many a cocktail as a bartender at venues in South Florida and New York City. When she’s not writing, you can find Doss running some marathon then celebrating at the nearest watering hole.
Contact: Laine Doss