What Kind of Burrito Eater Are You?

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

The opening of Lime has been pushed back one more day until tomorrow's dinner, Clean Plate Charlie learned when we stopped by the chain. Damn. We've been hankering for burritos all week. To distract ourselves from the disappointment, we sized up each burrito place on Federal Highway and paired each with a persona. What kind of (guy) burrito eater are you? Find out after the jump.

1) The Hothead
The Restaurant: Tijuana Flats
Attire: Jeans, Vans, and a college T-shirt.
Soundtrack: Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself for Lovin' You"
Backdrop: Bumper stickers on corrugated metal: "Clear the Road. I'm Sixteen," and "Boys Lie." Sauces are bossy: Smack My Ass and Call Me Sally is one, Don't Be a Chicken Shit is another.
The Food: A taster's notes: "The veggie burrito is hearty (so much so that i kept checking for meat)

and was tasty enough, if a tad on the bland side, at first bite. And

then -- whammo! -- it hit me with a sneak attack from some

peppers tucked away in there somewhere, giving it a real kick." If you like your hot sauces, this is the place to be, as it looks like the sundae fixins bar. The chips are ancient.
The Price: $16.28 for a veggie and a meat and bean burrito

2) The Pothead
The Restaurant: Baja Fresh
Attire: Flip-flops, plaid shorts, and an ironic "Endless Summer" decal on a wife beater
Soundtrack: Barry Manilow's "Copacabana" (also ironic)
Backdrop: Signage of how green the place is on the door. Black-and-white-tiled floor. Hurried service. "Which of the five burritos are you talking about?" One of the shortest drives from downtown.
The Food: A taster's notes: "Inside looks like dog food. Guacamole included is a nice plus. Burrito is crispy, tastes almost

fried. Carnitas

meat is salty with a redolent tang." The best chips for the munchies.
The Price: $12.07 for a veggie and a meat and bean burrito

3) The Health Nerd
The Restaurant: The Whole Enchilada
Attire: Scrubs
Soundtrack: Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Bad Moon Rising"
Backdrop: Line out the door with every kind of character. Rustic interior. "Here are our five healthiest choices," said the cashier more than once to a customer.
The Food: A taster's notes: "The veggie burrito is smushier than the others, with a texture almost like mashed potatoes. There's a sweetness to it, but it seems to be wanting for something more." Best salsa bar of the five also features an array of hot sauces and cilantro that hadn't yet wilted.
The Price: $15.78 for a veggie and a meat and bean burrito

4) The Cheap Ass
The Restaurant: Zona Fresca
Attire: Office worker casual Friday
Soundtrack: Mariachi loop
Backdrop: Fresher Taco Bell with real meat
The Food: A taster's notes: "Though it's very simple, and one might say plain, the burrito tastes

good. Black beans aren't exactly authentically Mexican, but they have flavor. Not a meal to eat before or on a date." Fastest service, largest number of people. The salsa bar looks sad and mealy.
The Price: $11.66 for a veggie and a meat and bean burrito

5) The Carnivorous Environmentalist
The Restaurant: Chipotle
Attire: Cargo shorts, band-T, a beard
Soundtrack: Willie Nelson's cover of Coldplay's "The Scientists" (Unlike the rest of the shops, this wasn't the actual song playing during our visit. Since Chipotle has its own song, we thought we'd include it here.)
Backdrop: Minimalist, fast, clean
The Food: Delicious, fast fuel made from happy pigs and beans.
The Price: $14.20 for a veggie and a meat and bean burrito

New Times on Facebook | Clean Plate Charlie on Facebook | Melissa on Facebook | Clean Plate Charlie on Twitter | Melissa McCart on Twitter | E-mail Melissa |

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.