That and a steaming cup of Johan.
And because we love you so much, we want to give you free stuff. That's why we're giving away three pairs of Fright Night preview tickets that can be used this Thursday night.
Sure, crazy zombies give you the willies. And the thought of soiling your pants from fear doesn't sound the least bit appealing -- but this is a food blog, and as such, you have some cooking to do for us to earn your free pair. Ready for your task?
First, head on over the our Facebook page and hit the 'like' button. (Go ahead, we'll wait.)
Ah, feels glorious, doesn't it? It's like we knew you liked us, but now we're "Facebook official," and that's where it really counts.
Anyway, once you've 'liked' us, steer towards the comments section of this post and cook up your most "horrific" food story. Ever.
Did your Barefoot Contessa souffle recipe sink to the dark plummeting depths of the ramekin? Did you once find a gigantic bug in your burger (and only realized it when you... you know... heard the crunch)? Or maybe you throw stellar Halloween parties and always manage to convince your guests that the ladle stirring the punch really is made of dehydrated human skin.
Whatever the case may be, we want to hear your horror food stories. Extra points for creativity.
We'll choose winners today at 4 p.m. and contact them to come by our offices to pick up the winnings.
Follow Alex on Twitter @ARodWrites.
Follow @ CleanPlateBPB