Why not poke a pig for NYEve?

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What are you gonna do to ring in the New Year? Get drunk? Spend a bunch of money at a club? Shoot a gun in the air?

Well fuck you.

My man Chris (in the black wife beater) and everybody down on SW 27th street got up at the crack of dawn and drove out to the Everglades. They shelled out $200 to some dude who dragged out a pig and slaughtered it right in front of them.

After seasoning the pig and tossing its innards into a giant frying pan, the boys chopped down a tree and ran the trunk through the carcass. They used free weights and cinder blocks to make a spit.

Then they spent nine hours roasting the pig in a ditch they dug in the front lawn of their rented house.

So go ahead. Drink your champagne. Sing your song. Tell everyone you know you love them. But you’ll never be half the man that these dudes are…

Calvin Godfrey

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Chuck Strouse is the former editor in chief of Miami New Times. He has shared two Pulitzer Prizes and won dozens of other awards. He is an honors graduate of Brown University and has worked at newspapers including the Miami Herald and Los Angeles Times.
Contact: Chuck Strouse