Mom was the absolute worst cook in the world. Dinnertime meant either limp spaghetti with ketchup, Kraft macaroni and cheese (with that orange powder served on the side), or frozen fish sticks (that were still frozen). Christmas cookies were made without yeast... or sugar... or eggs, so they were better-served as weapons than treats. And isn't meat supposed to be gray... or black?
Mom would have been the ideal contestant on Food Network's Worst Cooks in America. The show, which features people who have set fire to their houses and regularly give their families severe gastrointestinal upset, is casting for its fifth season.
If selected, you'll have the guidance (and pity) of Anne Burrell and Bobby Flay, as they attempt to "whip" you into shape. What's in it for you?
Well, for one thing, your spouse is really tired of all those trips to the emergency room. Plus, the winner receives $25,000 -- which equates to a whole lot of Pepto-Bismol!
If you think you've got what it takes (and by that -- we mean a restraining order to stay away from your own kitchen issued by the board of health), send an email to WorstCooks@TheConlinCompany.com with the name, age, hometown, occupation and contact phone number of the nominated hopeless cook (either you or someone else), plus a recent photo. If nominating someone else, include your name and contact information as well. Also include a short story on why you or your loved one is the absolute worst cook in America. You can also fill out an online application.
Good luck. And let us know when it's safe to eat your food. We're getting hungry.
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