Humor

The Dolphins Draft Drinking Game

Five Companies That Deserve the MyPillow Treatment

I support

Local

Community

Journalism

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

Support Us

Donald Trump Wants a Presidential Library. What Would That Look Like?

By Alexi C. Cardona
Jan 22, 2021

We have some ideas for the National Archive curators.
End-of-Days Author Disfigured by Mislabeled Antique Gun

By Izzy Kapnick
Aug 10, 2018

With the chamber loaded up with 8x57mm ammunition, Fletcher lifted the barrel into the muggy air and pulled the trigger. The gun exploded in his face, destroying his right eye and permanently disfiguring him. In a Palm Beach County lawsuit, the Arkansas resident blames Century Arms for the accident, claiming it distributed the Mauser rifle with the wrong ammunition profile and model stamped on it.
Adrienne Bosh Debuts Bedazzled Parking Space at Sawgrass Mills

By Ryan Yousefi
Sep 13, 2016

If you've ever tried to park at the Sawgrass Mills Mall during the holiday season, you know what a disaster it can be. On Black Friday and in the days leading up to Christmas, there is a line that looks like it should be coming out of Hard Rock Stadium,...
Hollywood Beach Robber Caught Wearing Stolen Women's Jeans

By Nicolás Rivero
Jul 8, 2016

Melissa Rodriguez was collecting seashells on Hollywood Beach, hours after the last fireworks had dimmed on the 4th of July, when she realized her pants were missing. She had left her black jeans, her wallet, and her car keys on a lifeguard stand before walking to the water. When she...
Man Throws Pie at Critic of Late Broward Health CEO Nabil El Sanadi

By Jerry Iannelli
Feb 2, 2016

Last Wednesday, a tribute to a beloved hospital CEO who died began with one man throwing a pie at another. Nabil El Sanadi, the former CEO of the Broward Health Medical Center, one of the 10 largest public hospital systems in the nation, died by suicide on January 23. El...
NRA Warns Gun Owners in Florida of Alleged Scam

By Deirdra Funcheon
Jan 14, 2016

Yesterday, the National Rifle Association warned that a shady organization is trying to scam Florida gun owners. A mass e-mail alert was sent out via the NRA's Institute for Legislative Action, its lobbying arm. Marion P. Hammer, a past president of the NRA and current president of the Unified Sportsmen...
Florida Militia Leader Says Group Would Be Ready for a "Call to Arms"

By Deirdra Funcheon
Jan 13, 2016

As a standoff continues in Oregon between armed protesters and federal authorities, right-wing sympathizers around the country continue to watch how the situation plays out. Yesterday, protesters tore down a $100,000 fence to let their cows graze on federal land, but said they would reveal an exit strategy this Friday. ...
Gun Linked to Paris Attacks Came Through Delray Beach Gun Dealer, According to Report

By Chris Joseph
Dec 10, 2015

One of the guns linked to the Paris attacks by ISIS that killed 130 people came from Century Arms, a gun dealer located in Delray Beach. According to an Associated Press report, Brzakovic of the Zastava arms factory said the semi-automatic gun's serial number matched one his company delivered to an...
12 Florida-Themed Halloween Costume Ideas for 2015

By Chris Joseph
Oct 27, 2015

Halloween is this Saturday, and that means it's time to get your party plans in order, and your Trick-O-Treat route all figured out. But, we know the toughest part of this holiday is trying to figure out what to go out as. Your options are quite limited. There's the usual...
Artist's "Pop-Up Church of Scientology" Features Naked Tom Cruise Statue

By Ryan Yousefi
Jul 30, 2015

Daniel Edwards is an American sculptor known for his what-the-bleep-inducing artwork that includes such classic works such as; Nude "Britney Spears on a Bearskin Rug while Giving Birth", a topless Senator Hillary Clinton, "Bronzed Suri Cruise’s First Poop", and something called a "Paris Hilton autopsy." Now his "Nude Shroud...
These Florida Weathermen Are Beefing Over Who Has the Most "Accurate" Forecast

By Kyle Swenson
Jul 17, 2015

Weather ain't no kiddie business down here in South Florida. Sure, there's not too much variation when you look out the window — sunny day, sunny day, rain, sunny day, repeat. But especially during the summer season, when the ecological ingredients cooking in the Gulf and Atlantic are basically holding...
Florida's Elected State Attorneys: Overwhelmingly White and Male

By Kyle Swenson
Jul 9, 2015

Probably the only benefit from the steady beat of violent public deaths of young black men — a public fuse lit with Floridian Trayvon Martin, continued with Jacksonville's Jordan Davis, and that now includes the litany of Mike Brown, Tamir Rice, Freddie Gray and others — is that these tragedies have...
Stormfront, Palm Beach-Based White Nationalist Forum, Reacts to Charleston Shooting

By Chris Joseph
Jun 19, 2015

The entire nation is reeling and reacting to Wednesday night's tragic shooting in a Charleston, South Carolina church. According to multiple reports, a white man named Dylann Storm Roof allegedly sat with African American parishioners at Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church during a Bible study for about an hour before...
Floridians Bitch About Their Jobs More Than Any Other State, According to Creepy Study

By Kyle Swenson
Jun 15, 2015

Hm. What's the best way to say this . . . Floridians are not exactly . . . good workers? Office-bound? Competitive in the work place? Is that mean? Well, maybe we should say it like this: with beaches! and the ocean! and the Everglades! and the SUNSHINE! . ...
Video: Watch Mama June Get Weird at a Pompano Beach Strip Club

By Ryan Pfeffer
May 19, 2015

Video by Adam Hendel It was a headline that made a nation collectively tilt its head like a confused puppy: Mama June to Appear at Florida Strip Club. What? When? How? And, most of all, why do we care? These questions remain difficult to answer, but the universe doesn't slow...
Boca Psychic Matchmaker Ambushes Strangers to Find People Love

By Chris Joseph
May 1, 2015

If you're on Tinder or Grindr, or e harmony looking for love, you're probably doing it wrong. What you need is someone to feel out the romantic connection vibes for you and then badger random strangers to make your love connection. That's what Boca resident Deborah Graham is all about...
Florida Man Did Not Know He Had Herpes Before Giving It to Woman, Court Rules

By Chris Joseph
Apr 13, 2015

Love may not last forever, but herpes certainly does. And then things get really messy when courts get involved. But one such Palm Beach case that revealed the twists and turns of a relationship gone sour due to STDs has been overturned after an appeals court ruled that the man...
Florida Lands Third in AP Exam Success Nationwide

By Kyle Swenson
Apr 13, 2015

This might completely blow your mind, seeing as we're about to drop some actual positive education news on you. It might further explode your gourd to know that this particular piece of good tidings comes in the category of school testing — not exactly a field the state of Florida has...
Big Time in Hollywood, FL: We Review Ben Stiller's New Comedy Central Show

By Chris Joseph
Mar 26, 2015

Big Time in Hollywood, FL, Comedy Central's latest sitcom, is neither big time, nor Hollywood, FL. The show, which premiered its first episode Wednesday night, is funny, if you're into dick jokes, ultra-violent gags, and slacker humor. It's a sort of mix between It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Workaholics. What it...
Mug-Shot Monday: Valentine's Day Edition

By Kyle Swenson
Feb 16, 2015

Oh yes. The Monday after Valentine's Day. You're probably either still basking in that lovey-dovey afterglow or you're in day two of the kind of epic, soul-killing hangover that comes from pounding Miller Lites alone in an efficiency apartment while looking at your ex's honeymoon pics on Facebook (uh, or...

More Humor

Humor

The Dolphins Draft Drinking Game

Five Companies That Deserve the MyPillow Treatment

I support

Keep New Times Free.

This Week's Issue