Audio By Carbonatix
The Miami Dolphins aren’t technically eliminated from playoff contention. That is to say, they still have a mathematical shot to get in, as long as the Steelers, Ravens, Chiefs and Colts all die in plane crashes and their stadiums are collectively swallowed by sink holes. THEN THERE’S DEFINITELY A CHANCE.
So, technically, the Dolphins still have something to play for other than pride.
Still, Dolphins fans are not holding out any hope. But that doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun for the last two games watching the burning dumpster that is our beloved Miami Dolphins.
And by “a little fun,” we mean get totally plastered. Here now is the official Miami Dolphins Drinking Game for the last two games of the season.
Cheers!*
Rule 1: Choose your beverage. Now, this can be any beverage you like. We’re going to go ahead and say it doesn’t have to be alcohol, though it’s not as fun taking shots of Pepsi over say, Bourbon. We recommend your run-of-the-mill shot glass for the heavier stuff. For beer, the rule is simple: chug that shit.
Rule 2: Follow these rules to a T. The purpose here is to get wasted (or really fat and gassy from drinking Pepsi). They don’t need to be follows in order. Just keep the list handy and shoot or chug whenever something on it happens.
Rule 3: Last guy or gal to pass out wins.
Here we go:
Take one shot or chug one beer when Joe Philbin makes this face:
Keep an eye out. And yes, it’s OK to use the DVR rewind button to make the call.
Take one shot or one chug when Ryan Tannehill fails to connect with one of his receivers on a deep pass
This could also work whenever Tannehill under throws one of his receivers. Be creative. Mix and match!
Take two shots or one and a half chug whenever Brian Hartline falls down after catching a pass.
This can also apply when he falls down during his route. Also, don’t tweet out that you’re taking a shot after he falls down, because Brian Hartline searches for his own name on Twitter and he will find you.
Take one shot or one chug when the Dolphins call a running play on 3rd and long
This one might get you really plastered, so be careful.
Take three shots or two chugs whenever Ryan Tannehill gets sacked
Ditto.
Take one shot or one chug when the Dolphins attempt a field goal
Again, be careful.
Take two shots or one and a half chug when Caleb Sturgis misses a field goal
And then punt your cat over the couch.
Take five shots or three chugs whenever Cameron Wake records a sack
Weirdly, Wake sacks have been rare lately. So, up that ante. Because he’s been terrible for the second half of the season, you see.
Hold up a liquor store and raid the beer fridge and then drink all of the beer when Phillip Wheeler whiffs on a tackle
*Also, don’t actually play this game. You WILL die.
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