Audio By Carbonatix
Plagiarizing from our colleague Robert Sietsema up at the Village Voice, we’re initiating an irregular feature based on the Voice‘s recurring food blog item “Things We Hate.” Only we’re not nearly so genteel as our cousins in Manhattan, and we’re feeling ugly enough to hurl a stiletto if anybody so much as looks at us crosseyed.
The Voice’s peeves have included steak fries, touchy feely waiters, prime rib, and menu story hours. Today Sietsema rolled out his most despised overused food words, a list which embarrassingly included several of my own guilty pleasures (in bold, below). Interestingly, the bulk are adjectival. A friend suggested that most of the words Sietsema has listed, while annoying in a food review, would be most welcome in the bedroom (with the possible exception of “wilted” and, perhaps, “garlicky”).
I’ve included a few alternates, and I’d love to hear your nominations. And waiter: Extra big bollocks of whipped cream on that pie, my good sir!
Dollop (substitute: bollock)
Slathered (substitute: slapped silly)
Homey (cloying)
Wilted (comatose)
Toothsome (mackadocious)
Resy
Nosh (snarf)
Drizzled (sullied)
Garlicky
Crispy (New Times Editorial handbook advises, ehem: “The word is Crisp.”)
Eatery (sigh. so many restaurants, so few words for ’em…)
Well-Browned
Mouth Feel
Moist
Flavorful (aight)
Delish (gamorgeous)
Terrific (bangin’!)
Tuck Into (get one’s chew on)
Gently Priced (ghetto)
Decadent (jigglicious)
Guilt-Free (100 percent risky free!)
Toppings (calories)
Napped
Amazing (sick!)
To Perfection
Mouth Watering
Luscious (phat!)
Sinful
Unctuous
Comfy (fruggly)
Perfect (enlightened)
Fork-Tender (denture-safe)
Well-Spaced (? I have no idea what this means)
Rustic (see “comfy”)
Tuscan
Nom
Yummy
Boite (see “eatery”)
Resto (see “boite”)
Sammy
Homemade
Tapas
Satisfying
Enjoy
Toque
Next time: The Plater Hater really can’t stomach the restaurant Birthday Serenade.
