It’s Wednesday afternoon, the day after Election Tuesday, and Florida is still lagging on declaring a winner between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.SORRY, YOU GUYS. Although Obama won reelection after gaining 303 electoral votes, Florida continues to Florida things up by not knowing the final tally just yet.(Because our governor…
Those vote tabulating machines are COMMUNISTS! As we predicted earlier today, Allen West is not going quietly. Even though the polls are closed, the ballots are counted, and the margin of victory for Patrick Murphy is outside any legal reason to require a recount, Allen West is demanding a recount. Specifically,…
The GOPers in the Florida Legislature put Amendment 6 on the ballot this year and were roundly told to eat a crap sandwich by Florida voters. Basically, voting YES on the amendment would have prohibited public funds for abortions, drastically limiting access to safe abortion care as well as limiting…
Donald Trump was a tad butthurt last night when it was announced that non-American-born Barack HUSSEIN Obama had won reelection. This, despite the world-shattering challenge Trump laid out for Obummer when he graciously offered a $5 million donation to charity if the so-called president released his college transcripts. See also:…
It’s a sad day for Commie hunters and fans of men who force their wives to have buttsex everywhere — and kind of a bittersweet morning for the Pulp this morning. Several sources are reporting that Allen West has lost his bid for reelection to Patrick Murphy for Florida’s 18th…
Move over, Broward County. There’s a new sheriff in town. Al Lamberti lost his bid for reelection to Scott Israel as Broward sheriff. See also:- Al Lamberti Mystery Emailers Remind Voters of the Sheriff’s Shady Past Around 10:30 Tuesday night, with 100 percent of precincts reporting, Israel had a 53.31…
Well. It’s here. The 2012 Election is, finally, coming to a slow and merciful end. Time to close the polls, tally the votes, and hope that Florida didn’t screw things up too badly. Keep it here as we update the winners, and losers, and tell you who’s President, who won…
Radio blowfish blowhard Rush Limbaugh opened his face hole again and said that it’s pretty friggin obvious that Mitt Romney is going to win the election tonight. And not just win it, but win it by a landslide! Despite every single poll showing a tight race, Romney’s actually going to…
Election Day wouldn’t be complete without celebs taking to Twitter and letting us know what’s what. Particularly because so many of us were on the fence as to who we’d be voting for. I WILL NOT CAST MY VOTE UNTIL I’VE READ WHAT JOHN CUSACK’S TWEETS ABOUT MITT ROMNEY SAY.After…
Nate Silver of Five Thirty Eight ran one last projection for Florida, and this is what he has: Our projected margin in Florida now Obama 49.797, Romney 49.775 YOINKS. So, naturally, Florida is prepared and ready to churn out a smooth election. And by “ready to churn out a smooth…
Broward Sheriff Al Lamberti is once again being challenged by North Bay Village Police Chief Scott Israel — the same candidate Lamberti defeated back in 2008. Much like in 2008, Israel’s beef is that Lamberti isn’t doing a good enough job cleaning crime off the streets in Broward. Lamberti says…
Looks like the GOPers are all ready to go with their postelection TALKING POINT in case their robot Mitt Romney should lose the election. Because the Benghazi SuperSecret Governmental Conspiracy Coverup of the 22nd Century thing hasn’t worked and because Romney’s supposed momentum has slowed some (MITTMENTUM!) and because every…
As we gear up for another colossal clusterfuck big election day here in Florida, the polls, all eyes will be on how badly we fuck up this election things turn out in our key swing state on Tuesday. A few months ago, Florida polls gave Obama a modest lead, and…
A Bradenton Starbucks just got a whole lot classier last week, after a woman was arrested on Thursday for allegedly masturbating inside the coffee joint. According to the probable-cause affidavit, 29-year-old Jennifer Piranian was sitting in the lobby of a Bradenton Starbucks when she was seen pleasuring herself by several…
Commie Hunter, master conspiracy theorist, and Romance novelist Allen West went on Fox & Friends this morning and accused the Florida Democrats of “nefarious actions” when it comes to all this “asking for an extra day to vote in early voting” fiasco. “[I] think you’re starting to see some nefarious…
Town of Palm Beach police officer Artemis Saridakis has filed a gender-discrimination and harassment lawsuit. Turns out the 27-year-old Saridakis models swimsuits and other sexy outfits, reports Gossip Extra. As it is with these kinds of things, Saridakis claims in her suit that her supervisor, Capt. Scott Duquette, said she…
Remember all the hoopla surrounding the “Suck For Luck” campaign last year? Yea, there was a reason for that. The Colts’ Andrew Luck decimated the Dolphins defense, leading Indianapolis to the 23-20 victory over Miami on Sunday. Luck went 30-of-48, and set a rookie record by surgically removing the Dolphins’…
In the least shocking news ever, turns out voting in Florida has been a goddamn mess. Rick Scott refused to extend early voting, people had to wait in line for up to 9 hours, Florida Democrats sued the state to extend early voting, polls opened Sunday, then closed again, chaos…
Marco Rubio hates The Gays. He hates them so much, he voted against aLGBT-inclusive reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act. He hates them so much, he doesn’t even agree with Mittington Romney, who hates The Gays too, but at least supports a Federal Marriage Amendment (allegedly!) And now, Rubio…
The last time the Miami Heat were in New York, they were busy denting Knickerbocker ass on their way to a first-round playoff series victory, the first of many on their way to the title. Remember when New York managed to win one game in that series and Madison Square…
A botched bank robbery, an injured Broward Sheriff’s deputy, and a shot suspect has I-95 shutdown in North Broward. According to Pompano Beach Fire Rescue spokeswoman Sandra King, the deputy crashed his car into the center median of I-95 northbound near Sample Road during a pursuit. The deputy, taken to…
With the election mere days away and Florida in a virtual tie, Barack Obama will be holding a grassroots rally in Hollywood this weekend. The rally will be on Sunday, which makes sense, since Rick Scott won’t let Floridians vote on Sunday. So, let’s have a rally! The rally is…
