2014 is right around the corner, and with every new year comes the familiar ritual of broken promises known as “New Year’s Resolutions.” Sure, by January 3, we’re usually back to eating chocolate and smoking cigarettes, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. And if there’s one state in this…
The waiter smiles and drops the plates at our cozy, round, two-person table. I take my first bite into a medium-rare medallion of filet mignon. It’s so good that I forget that the same five smooth-jazz Christmas songs have been playing on a loop for an hour. Thirty minutes later…
We at New Times pride ourselves on our keen sense of journalistic curiosity. So we knew we had something when one of our interns walked into the office with a gold envelope that said “To: Santa. HURRY UP DUMB ASS MAILMEN” Turns out it was a letter to Kris Kringle…
If you happen to live with or be related to a millennial, then you’re probably familiar with this process. Every year, around the start of December, you’ll get a text or an email, or maybe just an iPad slipped under your door. Somehow your millennial will electronically send you a…
Yesterday afternoon, I heard a story about a group of students at Eastside Catholic School in Sammamish, Washington. They staged a sit-in to protest the forced resignation of their gay vice principal. This was due to his recent marriage to another man. Because the high school is a private Catholic…
You did all your holiday shopping and now those boxes from Amazon are starting to roll in. Where to hide all that junk before you wrap it? Kids are sneaky. (I personally believe that babies know full well how to wipe their butts, but just fake it so they can…
We’ve all been there. You’re standing in the crowd, just trying to enjoy a show. Then you get a tap on the shoulder, and suddenly, you’re a drug dealer! You’ve been thrust into an illegal interaction by some creep with a hankering for Molly, Tina, or Mary Jane, depending on…
Physically, Gov. Rick Scott has been compared to many things: Lord Voldemort, a ladle full of Greek yogurt, a calcium-deficient fingernail. And, sure, the dude looks like something that would pop out of a hole and bite you. But I’m not here to pick the low-hanging fruit. I’m not going…
Let’s face it, we love our family, but we don’t always like them. That’s why Thanksgiving can be tricky. There’s only so many times we can listen to our Uncle’s theory that George Zimmerman works for Obama before we feel the urge to slit our wrists with the long end…
Every Saturday since February 28, 2009, from 1 to 3 p.m., the Fort Lauderdale Tea Party has gathered on the northeast corner of Oakland Park Boulevard and North Federal Highway. And almost every Saturday, I have caught them out of the corner of my eye. It’s usually just a quick…
