As if herpes and irritable seagulls weren’t enough, Fort Lauderdale spring breakers can now add another potential hazard to their list of things to avoid on the beach. “Bathing in Nude Condition” is against the law in Fort Lauderdale. This is the exact phrase used by a cop on a…
God bless our local TV newscasters. They hustle day in and day out to bring you all the locally relevant information that you need to know. They tell you what the weather is going to be, where the latest car-jacking took place, and how much the watermelon that won the…
When you think about Fort Lauderdale, of all the things that pop into your head, chances are comic book conventions aren’t one of them. And there’s a reason for that. There aren’t really any. But Joey Cammisa and Troy Humble are hoping to change that with Wap! Comic Con, Fort…
The Wayans family is to comedy what the sun is to the Earth. They’ve been such a consistent force in that, sometimes, you can forget they’re there. Then all of the sudden, you turn your head and you’re blinded. Everything they’ve done for comedy comes flooding at you at once…
Commercials can be frustrating. A giant corporation spends millions of dollars to take up 30 seconds of your life and, more often than not, leaves you saying this is the best we can do. I mean, I’m a peaceful person, but if I ever see the Geico lizard walking down…
You might know Jim Breuer as Goat Boy from Saturday Night Live, or Brian from Half Baked, but if that’s all you know Jim Breuer from, you’re missing out. Because the man has done — and is doing — a lot. Breuer’s been in movies, made a movie, wrote a…
It seems everything these days is in danger of being rendered useless by the internet. The mighty blue Blockbuster fell to Netflix. Bookstores were chewed up and spit out by Amazon. And now the U.S. Postal Service’s only job is to make sure Chris Christie never runs out of Oreos…
A Weston native, 23-year-old Ryan Uhre, went missing early last week in his college town of Tallahassee. Though Uhre graduated Florida State University in December of last year, he is still enrolled in classes this semester, working toward law school…
Being a father isn’t really that different than being a comedian. A lot of it is trial and error. There’s no right way to tell a joke, and there’s no right way to raise a child. You never really know when either is ready to be sent out into the…
This November, throngs of Floridians will strap on their sandals and flop their way to the polls to cast ballots that may well be the end of Florida as we know it. That’s right, folks. It’s over. Kiss it all goodbye. Because on November’s ballot is an amendment so evil…
The big game is almost here, and so are all those annoying people you invited to your party out of cordiality. If you’re smart, you’ve procrastinated sending out those invitations as long as possible. And your procrastination has paid off, because I’m going to help you weed all the duds…
A few days ago, New Times received this interesting tale from Fort Lauderdale activist/blogger Cal Deal, via an email titled “Strange Happening:” An odd thing happened this morning. A “elderly” man in a beret delivered a shiny gift bag to Dr. Stoll’s office across the street from me at about…
UPDATE: Cycle Party has recently expanded, adding a Fort Lauderdale Beach route to their list of tours. Cycle Party is also offering single seat tours for those with lazy friends. When in Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, or Boynton Beach, there’s a chance you might hear a bell off in…
I’ve never played a board game with Harry Wayne “KC” Casey, but I’d be willing to bet I could beat him at Operation, because the man has a knack for getting things stuck in people’s heads. Chances are his music has infiltrated your own subconscious since he founded KC and…
When you wake up with a hangover, every light gets a little brighter, every sound gets a little louder, and every person in your bed gets a little uglier. That’s why you have to tread lightly after a night on the town. There are foods you eat and food you…
Beach Place in Fort Lauderdale has gone through some type of reverse metamorphosis since its birth in 1996. What was once an oceanfront butterfly has crawled back into its cocoon, where it has been for the past decade, regressing into a fat, belligerent, alcoholic caterpillar. It’s official: Beach Place is…
It’s been more than three weeks since former Cardinal Gibbons teacher Mark Zmuda was fired from his vice principal position at Eastside Catholic High School in Sammamish, Washington, for marrying a man. But despite a lengthy winter break, support for Zmuda has not lost momentum. Students continue to protest the…
You never know what will happen when you go out in downtown Fort Lauderdale. Who will you see? What will you do? How long will it take to heal? It can be an unpredictable mash of booze and muscles. But there is one certainty in any given night spent wondering…
Palm Beach County is experiencing heavy flooding, power outages, traffic jams, school closures, and just an overall feeling of soggy despair after receiving biblical amounts of rainfall Thursday and Friday morning. According to the National Weather Service, between 13 and 18 inches fell in some western regions of Delray Beach…
This holiday season, the Florida State Capitol Rotunda has served as a coliseum for the First Amendment. Atheists, Christians, and Satanists all did battle, using Festivus Poles as swords and tiny inanimate Baby Jesus figurines as shields. Each group set up displays in the capitol to make various points about…
Today is a very special day for FSU fans. No, Tim Tebow still won’t eat those poison apples we keep sending him, but tonight the Seminoles face Auburn for the national title. And if you couldn’t tell by the way we reacted to Jameis Winston’s trial, nothing is more important…
Every city is like a fingerprint, unique and special in its own way. But few places are as special as Fort Lauderdale. If it were a finger, it would be a big fat middle one, poking out a half-open car window in the direction of an elderly man who’s going…
