Florida Panther’s Return Spells Doom for Gladesmen

Jack Laban swears a cat was out here raising hell just this morning. Mosquitoes slurp blood through the 94-year-old shirtless Gladesman’s baggy skin as he hobbles across a landfill of empty Pepsi cans and settles into a folding chair. The former Miami plumber with a full head of white hair…

Top Ten South Florida Athletes Post-LeBron

For the last four years it hasn’t even been an argument. LeBron James (sigh) was the best athlete in South Florida. But now that the dirty liar/coward he’s gone, things get interesting (read: less good) again. For example, this potential conversation could happen at any South Florida bar tonight. Dude:…

Lake Worth 2020: Visionary Planning or Ye Olde Bait-and-Switch?

We stand by our claim that Lake Worth is the coolest city in South Florida. But when it comes to local politics, the little seaside burg is anything but. White-hot is more like it, with a history of bitter disputes, chiefly about development. Lately, something as mundane as a bond…

Marlins Got Screwed by Awful Call at the Plate

The Miami Marlins fell victim to the ridiculous and obscure Rule 7.13, dropping a 3-1 game to the Reds the Fish should have won. With the bases loaded and one out, Cincinnati’s Todd Frazier pelted a hit right at Giancarlo Stanton in right field for the out. Stanton then threw…

New Times Video Freelancers Wanted

New Times Broward Palm Beach is looking for video freelancers. Ideal candidates will have experience both shooting and editing video, and be able to work in Broward and Palm Beach. He or she should be able to collaborate with editors to come up with video concepts, work on tight deadlines,…

“Charlotte’s Web,” Derived From Hemp, Has Been Legal Since 2003

Moriah Barnhardt has a three-year-old daughter, Dahlia, who was diagnosed with a brain tumor last May. Anecdotal evidence suggests that a soon-to-be-legal brand of low-THC pot called Charlotte’s Web might help her condition. If not, legalizing medical marijuana as a whole would give her a plethora of treatment options by…

Koch-Funded Lawyers Help Boaters Tell Manatees: Drop Dead

Boys must have fast-moving toys. And they absolutely have to play with them in the water. If any slow-moving marine mammals get murdered or mangled as a result…so what? How many manatees do we need anyway?! Freedom!!! That’s the situation in Citrus County, where the Koch Bros.-funded Pacific Legal Foundation…

Mr. 786: Pitbull Impersonator Meets the Chongas

It’s the dinner hour at Dolphin Mall, and the food court is a busy hive. Teenagers guzzle from Smoothie Kings while tables full of abuelitas fire Gatling-gun Spanish over steaming plates of Lotus Express. At the Segafredo Zanetti Espresso kiosk, a young girl in black shirt and pants offers a…

Sextortion Scam Hitting Online Dating Sites in South Florida

If being a member of an online dating site wasn’t treacherous enough, there’s a sextortion scam going around that you should know about. The scammers apparently use a charm offensive to cozy up with a victim, make that person believe he or she is the one, and then asks for…

HeatLifer Hashtag Has Taken Over Twitter: Here Are the Best Ones

Nothing brings an entire fan base together quite like LeBron James abandoning your team. And that’s been more evident this offseason as Heat fans have rallied around Dwyane Wade and his magical #HeatLifer hashtag. Wade put the hashtag out there when he announced his return to the Heat, breathing hope…