Another day, another poorly thought-out article: Are Alt-Weeklies Over? That the New York Times published this drivel yesterday is proof the Gray Lady is just as “over” as any news outlet. Let’s get a few things straight…
Apparently we’re under a tornado watch. And by we’re, we mean THE WHOLE FRIGGIN’ STATE. The National Weather Service has issued a tornado watch for roughly 20 or so counties in Florida, including Broward and Palm Beach. Said watch is scheduled to be in effect until 7 tonight. So be…
Flagler High School Principal Peter Nicholson has been arrested after allegedly raping a female employee at the charter school. According to Broward Sheriff’s Office Special Victims Unit detectives, Nicholson, 55, sexually assaulted the victim back on October 26 during working hours at the school, located on 1951 W. Copans Road…
In case you didn’t know, President Obama is hitting up Florida this weekend, giving terrorist fist bumps shoutouts to Dania Beach ice cream shop owners and looking to push his health-care initiative. But if the proverbial crap begins to hit the proverbial fan in the Ukraine, POTUS may well cancel…
When a buddy asks you to do him a solid and pick up something he left somewhere — no big deal, right? If he lets slide that it’s a laptop and there might be some illegal stuff on that laptop, run. Run far. That was the situation that led to…
Audrey Winkelsas is a junior at the University of Miami. She was just 7 months old when she was diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy, a form of muscular dystrophy. She studies biochemistry and helps conduct research for the Miami Project to Cure Paralysis. She hopes one day to find a…
Here’s a story both quite Florida and quite repulsive. On Wednesday morning, a Florida man apparently decided What the hell, I’m just going to go ahead and bang my dog on my front yard. So, in broad morning daylight, for all to see, the man dropped his trousers and began…
How do you inject culture into a city? Do you hire children to ride their bikes around the neighborhood flinging black-rimmed glasses onto suburban doorsteps in the early a.m.? Do you replace the national anthem with Neutral Milk Hotel at all local little league games? How do you make people…
Inside the jam-packed arena, thousands held their breath and waited to learn the identity of the shadowy “Investor.” In Total Nonstop Action Wrestling’s twisting narrative, the mysterious character had been wreaking havoc for weeks with his nefarious behind-the-scenes plots. And now, millions watching at home would finally learn the truth…
Late in the evening on a hot November night, a blue Dodge Challenger rolled to a stop outside a two-bedroom yellow house in Hollywood. A 16-year-old girl with wavy hair and brown, sad eyes sat in the passenger seat. A Samsung Galaxy glowed in her hands. Watching her send text…
The internet was abuzz earlier today with the news about a woman who was in a van that had been submerged into the ocean. The headline was pretty grabby — woman in a van has to be rescued from the water. But an update to the story revealed a darker…
ESPN Large Talking Head Person Keith Olbermann went on his show last night to wag his tsk-tsk finger at the media for hyperboling LeBron James’ 61-point performance on Monday night. In a segment called “The Greatest Game Ever Played… for One Day,” Olbermann comes full circle on GRANDPA IS MAKING…
U.S. Congressman firebrand nutter Alan Grayson is being accused by his wife of pushing her during a fight over the weekend. He, of course, is denying the allegations. In a statement released by the congressman, Grayson says he never touched his wife and says she physically attacked him. See also:…
On Friday, January 24, Chad Cooke and Andy Monet went out for a celebratory beer. Earlier that day, election officials had announced that enough petition signatures had been verified to force a vote on whether to legalize medical marijuana in Florida. The duo had been working tirelessly for weeks on…
A Boca Man is exercising his right to be a total racist by flying a Ku Klux Klan flag and a Confederate flag outside his mobile home (because, of course he lives in a trailer home). The man is also displaying a “Members Wanted” sign and has a noose hanging…
As if herpes and irritable seagulls weren’t enough, Fort Lauderdale spring breakers can now add another potential hazard to their list of things to avoid on the beach. “Bathing in Nude Condition” is against the law in Fort Lauderdale. This is the exact phrase used by a cop on a…
Last year, 64-year-old Ft. Lauderdale native Diana Nyad completed her lifetime goal of swimming from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage in just under 50 hours. And now, she’s going to be on this season’s Dancing With the Stars. Because if swimming 103 miles through treacherous man-eating sharks, while…
Last week, our sister paper had a story about a Florida man so terrified of spiders, he decided to get a giant tattoo of one on his face. As a sort of inked-up reverse psychology that he’ll probably regret when he’s an old man. Or when he tries to grow…
This week, our cover story in the print edition of New Times delves into the heinous story of a Hollywood girl who was allegedly stripped, beaten, and held her down by her supposed friends as she was raped by a 19-year-old man. On November 1, Patricia Montes, 15, and Erica…
The woman behind the largest case of fortunetelling fraud ever to hit a courtroom has finally been sentenced. Rose Marks, the Manhattan and Fort Lauderdale psychic accused to bilking her longtime clients using a bag of tricks and mental manipulation common among fortunetellers, will go to prison for a little…
On March 18, from 5 to 7:30 p.m., a store called Babalu Palm Beach will hold a cocktail party. Its purpose is to celebrate the smell of a candle. The candle costs $595…
The entire NBA season has seen the national media try to give the MVP award to the Pacers’ Paul George or the Thunder’s Kevin Durant. But then along comes a night like Monday night, when LeBron James steps in to preserve the natural order of the universe by raining destruction…
