A collective “awwww, fuuuck” went out across the land as the nation took in our story that poor, poor Edgardo Toucet’s penis was cut off near Orlando while operating some despicable-sounding machine known as “the peeler.” Yesterday, we tried to talk with Toucet to, if anything, lend him an awkward…
One of the more made-for-TV courtroom dramas to roll out of Broward recently involves Rose Marks. The matriarch of a Fort Lauderdale family of fortunetellers, Marks schemed $25 million from a best-selling romance novelist and other victims, or so say federal prosecutors. The psychic herself has been proclaiming innocence since…
Bullying is bad, right?Well, what if the bullying comes from a bunch of pastors and church leaders who are trying to bully / prod / embarrass / force county commissioners into doing something good for the community?BOLD Justice (Broward Organized Leaders Doing Justice) is a group comprised of members from…
On Monday afternoon, a Senate select committee rejected moving forward with an expansion of the Medicaid program under the federal Affordable Care Act, even after Gov. Rick Scott expressed a desire to see it expanded and even though state hospitals and businesses wanted to see it expanded and even though…
There’s been a lot of talk about space rocks falling on top of us ever since a meteor tore through the Russian stratosphere and broke a lot of shit a few weeks ago. And now comes word that some space debris will be flying dangerously, perilously close to us down…
NFL free agency doesn’t kick off until Tuesday at 4 p.m. which is both the most arbitrary time to schedule the start of free agency and a tad annoying to people that have to report these things (WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE MEDIA???). But that’s not stopping rumors and…
Here’s reason number 342 why getting work through a temp agency sucks: having your pecker and balls sliced off by a foam-cutting machine. (On a related note, this is reason number one why working at a foam-cutting factory sucks.) See also:- Bruce Augello, Coconut Creek Candidate, Bit His Wife After…
Last week, we gave you a heads-up about some new legislation in Tallahassee that might throw up roadblocks for recreational smokers. Rep. Darryl Rouson has put up a bill that will ban the sale of bongs and glass smoking pieces throughout the Sunshine State. Florida’s Legislature has come down hard…
New Times rarely makes calls at an early hour. Especially on a Monday morning. But this morning, after we got hold of an unusual police report starring an even more startling character, we dialed up Bruce Augello, a candidate for Coconut Creek Commission, who’d apparently bit his wife after she…
The reaction among the experts, media, and haterz the world over after the Indiana Pacers had roughed up and beaten the Miami Heat in the teams’ first two meetings this season was that the Pacers clearly had Miami’s number and that the Heat might as well go the way of…
Tomorrow, Lake Worth residents will go to the polls and vote on a bitterly contested referendum regarding building heights in the city. Two buildings are emblematic in this fight.See also:-Lake Worth’s Gulfstream Hotel: Bahraini Petrodollars, the Black Gatsby and ForeclosureThe first is the Lucerne, a six-story condo complex that towers…
The Vision of the Seas had to turn back from its 11-day cruise after passengers basically started puking all over the place. The Royal Caribbean ship docked at Port Everglades on Friday morning after a number of passengers as well as crew members showed symptoms of what the company is…
Today is International Women’s Day! Yes, it’s the one day of the year we allow the dames to come out of the kitchen or put the baby down so we can recognize them for all the lady things they do. We love you, ladies. You’re real swell. But because it’s…
Look, you guys. It’s not so much that Jeb Bush is out of step with everyone else on immigration reform or that he’s a complete flip-flopping dolt. It’s just that he has horrible timing. And, as Jeb! points out himself, people were totally against the whole “path to citizenship” thing…
Hoping to keep her seat on the WPB City Commission, Shanon Materio led off her re-election campaign with the class envy card, trying to paint her opponent, Gregg Weiss, as a dilettante and an elitist.See also:-Bizarro Smear CampaignHer camp followed that up with a political reverse flip, suggesting Weiss was…
What does 1,083 yards and one whole touchdown earn you? It earns you a five-year contract worth $30.8 million, with $12.5 million guaranteed. That is, if you play for the Miami Dolphins. Brian Hartline was the Dolphins’ leading receiver during last season’s barn-burning 7-9 season. And now, according to a…
Over the past decade, Broward County’s fastest-growing demographic was Venezuelan, and the conventional explanation most bureaucrats, demographers, and activists deployed to explain this trend: Hugo Chavez. El Comandante’s socialistic and populist style of governance, which extolled the virtues of the impoverished class while demonizing the wealthy and upper-middle class, was…
The local personalities, egos, and public figures who swung through the news cycle this week, ranked by New Times’ crack research department using a highly scientific algorithm. …
Twenty-one-year-old Quanta’e Levonne Powell loves the shit out of cocaine (allegedly).Powell loves it so much, he decided to go nuts and run around the street naked telling people about it. According to a Crestview Police Department arrest report, several people called police about Powell’s running around naked throughout the apartment…
NBA legend and all-around snappy-ass dresser Michael Jordan filed for a marriage license in the downtown West Palm Beach courthouse on Thursday morning. Jordan and his fiancé, Yvette Prieto, arrived at the courthouse around 8:30 a.m…
Yesterday we told you about how blacktip and spinner sharks wanted to get in on that sweet spring break action up in Palm Beach, and migrated to Midtown Beach by the thousands.See also: -Sharks Force Beach Closings in Palm Beach County They were spotted just feet away from the shore,…
Ameen Najjar, the guy whom the NCAA hired as their director of enforcement, wrote a letter on behalf of convicted Ponzi schemer Nevin Shapiro days before he was sentenced in 2011, suggesting that having Shapiro on the payroll would be swell. Whoops. See also: -Sen. Joe Abruzzo Asks Florida Attorney…
