Hollywood City Commission candidate Rick Valdez doesn’t want your money. He just wants you to vote. He also wants you to kick it at his hip-hop party on Wednesday night. “I was given a space where I could have a fundraiser or something,” Valdez tells New Times. “So I went…
Maybe it’s because he’s trying to temper expectations. Or, maybe it’s because he doesn’t want Republicans to get complacent and stop working. Or, maybe it’s because he’s naturally dickish and can’t help himself. But Gov. Rick Scott doesn’t believe the latest polls that say Mitt Romney is up by seven…
Apparently, Barry Obama’s debate performance was so craptacular, The Mittbot has gained some points with Latino voters in Florida. According to a ImpreMedia & Latino Decisions tracking poll released Monday, Obama’s lead among Hispanic voters in Florida has slipped from 72% last week to 67% this week. Among those polled,…
With November 6 a mere four weeks away, Florida decided it’s about time to do that thing where it screws up the election.LET’S DO THIS, FLORIDA! According to Elections Supervisor Susan Bucher, about 60,000 Palm Beach County absentee ballots that have already been mailed by the Palm Beach County Supervisor…
Early in last night’s vice presidential debate, questions came up about what to do over Iran’s nuclear program. Things got fierce. Biden scrunched his brow and hammered away on Iran’s lack of missiles to deliver whatever it enriches and driveled on about diplomacy. Ryan’s giant wet eyes darted around as he feigned foreign-policy expertise, shoveling some…
This might be the most Rick Scott thing ever. During a meeting of the Florida Cabinet on Tuesday, Scott stepped up to give an update on the fungal meningitis outbreak the state has recently been dealing with. But Scott screwed up and gave out the wrong number for the meningitis…
Last week, per the Palm Beach Post, we told you about Boynton Beach Commissioner Marlene Ross running into some trouble after it was revealed that she sent her lover (who apparently happens to be her first cousin) nude photos of herself through Facebook. As a result of the scandal, Mayor…
Fresh off a debate victory that ended the race and buried Obama forever, Mittington RoboRomney hit up Florida for a three-city gloat-a-thon in which he gave a couple of stump speeches, shared some stories, took some photos, and uncomfortably got his face wiped over and over again by some random…
OH HAI FIESTY VELVET THUNDER OBAMA GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.A day after the debate in which the President of the United States of America was replaced by a sock puppet that was buried under a massive avalanche of horse feces at a Presidential debate, the REAL Barry Oblastyoface was back in…
Whether you think Obama was replaced by a sock puppet or Mitt was a mound of horse poo or have declared the election a landslide for Romney based on one debate, one thing we can all agree on from last night: Jim Lehrer sucked. Between getting bullied by Mitt and…
Big photos below. Editor’s note: This piece was originally published by our sister paper’s news blog Latest Word on Denver Westword. It’s written by Sam Levin, an editorial fellow who’s been keeping tabs on both candidates in the swing state of Colorado for the past few months. President Barack Obama…
Wake up this morning and the consensus is that Mittington Willard Romnom RoboRomney Mittbot won the first presidential debate over Velvet Thunder Barack. Most pundits on Twitter and your mother agree. Romney was feisty, aggressive, kind of a dick, and on the offense. Meanwhile, Obama was a big giant fart sound…
Rick Scott, who got back on the voter-purge horse last week in order to weed out the hundreds of thousands 198 people who would totally compromise elections, is now asking for donations to help his cause. See also: Rick Scott Continues Dumb Voter-Purge Crusade In a letter signed by Scott,…
Crazy Uncle Joe was campaigning in Charlotte on Tuesday and did that thing where he said stuff that makes Democrats smack themselves on the forehead. Speaking of Mitt Romney and how he and Paul Ryan would raise taxes on the middle class, Biden said, “How they can justify… raising taxes…
Boynton Beach Commissioner Marlene Ross reportedly sent her first cousin nude photos of herself on Facebook. This may have led to her being extorted to vote a certain way. And now the City Commission is an uproar. Oh, Facebook. Not even first cousins are immune to your powers of sexting…
When a video of Mittington Mittbot saying rich douchey things about the majority of Americans to other rich people surfaced a couple of weeks back, Matt Drudge released a 14-year-old video of President Obama saying “redistribution” a lot of times. When that failed to anger America and force an impeachment,…
Do a Google Image search for “Obama and small business” and you’ll get inundated with mindless memes harping on the president’s “you didn’t build that” comment. But a recent poll shows that 37 percent of small business owners in Florida see Obama as being more supportive of their ventures, compared with 34 percent who favored…
Rick Scott is back on the voter-purge horse because Rick Scott is a voter fraud crusader! *Trumpet blast* On Wednesday, state officials sent local elections supervisors a list of 198 people on the voter rolls who are supposedly noncitizens. The state said about 38 of those registered voters had cast…
Things are not going so hot for one Mittington Willard Mitt Romnom Dog Torturer Mittbot RoboRomney Romney down here in Florida. He’s trailing in polls, and old people hate his running mate. Ah! But guess who’s back-back, back again? That’s right. Betty Douglas — Paul Ryan’s Enthusiastically Waving Mother –…
In case you’ve been trapped under something heavy, you already heard about how the replacement referees screwed the Packers on Monday night, when they awarded the Seahawks with a last-second touchdown that never happened. Well, Paul Ryan was none too happy about it, being a Packers fan and all. He…
Paul Ryan was in Florida over the weekend and revealed that Obama has ruined space exploration, just like he’s ruined everything else. And so Ryan announced bold new changes that he and Mittington will implement to get NASA back on track — because America is the greatest nation in all…
It’s high-octane campaign season, and Democratic sheriff candidate Scott Israel is hammering the incumbent, Al Lamberti, for his and his underlings’ close association with convicted Ponzi schemer Scott Rothstein. That’s only a little hypocritical, seeing as Rothstein firm money was directed toward Israel as well. But Israel is also criticizing…
