An open letter to Brandon Marshall:
As the newest member of the Miami Dolphins, no doubt you're looking for a place in South Florida to call home, and you may be considering a quieter life in Broward or Palm Beach counties. Don't do it. Miami is a much better fit for someone of your thug-life stature.
First, it's all about the clubs. Let's say you're looking for a VIP room to hang with some teammates and you fear it may end in a shooting, like it did for you in 2007. Sure, we've got our fair share of clubs up here, from Monarchy to Living Room, but a limo shooting attracts attention around these parts. Club shootings in Miami? They call that Saturday night.
Second, chances are, after you settle in South Florida, you may consider assaulting or
getting into a heated domestic dispute with a loved one, as you've been accused of doing in 2007, 2008, and 2009. Here in Broward, we've got a zero-tolerance policy for NFL domestic abuse. Just ask teammate Tony McDaniel, who cops say shoved his girlfriend to the ground outside their Davie home in February. McDaniel now faces a misdemeanor charge of battery. Meanwhile, down in Miami, former NFL great Warren Sapp gets accused of choking a woman at the Shore Club and prosecutors decide not to file charges. Ask yourself which county is better to act like a domestic thug.
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And finally, there's driving drunk, like your new teammate Ronnie Brown is accused of doing in March. It's a safe bet that you might choose to repeat your DUI incident from 2007, when you got lucky with a sentence of one year on probation. And there's really no question about where it'd be better for an NFL player to drive drunk. Just ask Donte Stallworth, who killed a man while driving under the influence in Miami last year. Stallworth, who faced up to 15 years in prison, found himself in jail for a paltry 30 days. That's a little security blanket for any future DUI transgressions.