Dear Mexican: Why should Mexican nationals have more of a right to stay in this country than Chinese, Somalis, or others who can’t cross an open land border and must thus wait on the bureaucracy like everybody else? — 700 Miles Isn’t Long Enough Dear Gabacho: ‘Cause this land once…
Dear Mexican: I am perplexed. I just saw a middle-aged wab (complete with a bright-red, lipstick-accentuated mustache) wearing tight pink stretch pants with the phrase “Pink Taco” emblazoned across her misshapen buttocks. In my experience, Mexicans of the Mexico-born variety seem to wear a lot of clothes with odd/tacky slogans…
Dear Mexican: I have a major crush on a worker with the Mexican Consulate aquí en Tucson. But I fear that, like two star-crossed lovers, we’re destined for doom. I’m a gabacha yaktivist and against governments in general. He represents the PAN or PRD or PRI or whatever Mexican political…
Dear Mexican: As a kid, I grew up with Mexicans who stole things just to steal. As an adult, I see much of the same behavior from adult Mexicans and their children. And I don’t mean just the poor Mexicans. Why is it in their nature for Mexicans to steal?…
Dear Mexican: Why does Arnold Schwarzenegger keep putting his foot in his mouth and talking smack about Mexicans? To my understanding, his wife, Maria, is of Mexican descent. He’s not only humiliating nuestra raza but his wife too. Please give the readers and me some input on the Governator. —…
Dear Readers: Mucho comments about my February 1 column regarding the metamorphosis of Mexican names into seemingly wacky nicknames — “Nini” from Alejandrina, for instance, or “Chely” from Araceli. I argued such changes occurred thanks to linguistic laws; some of you had other theories. Here are the best. Here’s what…
Dear Readers: Gracias to all of ustedes who submitted pictures for my racist Mexican restaurant logo contest — they were all muy bueno. Winners will be announced in a couple of weeks. In the meanwhile, say a spicy bienvenidos to readers of Las Vegas CityLife, the latest paper to carry…
Dear Mexican: How do Mexicans get such ridiculous nicknames from seemingly normal names? For instance, José becomes Chepe, Eduardo is Lalo, Gabriel becomes Gabi, and Guillermo devolves into Memo. — It’s Marcela, Not Chela I want to know why Mexicans have such incongruous nicknames. In English, people have nicknames that…
Dear Mexican: This November, a trusted employee of mine came out about his status as an illegal immigrant. Our big-box retail conglomerate’s policy clearly spells out the termination of my employment should I fail to report such an offense, but I love the mojado to death. He’s loyal and punctual…
Dear Mexican: I’m a 60-year-old Chicano and proud. Why do young Chicanos keep imitating blacks? They dress like blacks, talk like blacks, listen to black music, and hang with blacks. Aren’t they proud of their own culture? Why don’t they embrace Hispanic ways and learn about Hispanic history? — Say…
Dear Mexican: Why do non-Mexicans consider it a compliment when they tell Mexicans they don’t look Mexican? I am 100 percent Mexican — five-foot seven, with black hair, brown eyes, and olive skin — and ever since I left my hometown of El Paso, I’ve been subject to this backhanded…
Dear Readers: Bienvenidos to 2007, a year I promise will bring even more Mexicans across our nation’s borders! And a bienvenidos to Salt Lake City Weekly, the latest member of the Mexican’s family (note to weak-kneed publishers: If a rag in Utah can run this column, why can’t yours?). As…
The Mexican is currently inside a trunk trying to sneak back into the United States after the Christmas holiday. In the meanwhile, here are some oldies but goldies: Dear Mexican: A friend of mine calls Mexicans “wabs” but being a menso doesn’t even know what it means — except that…
Dear Mexican: I’m a Spanish-language student struggling with tenses and the gender of nouns. The other day, some friends and I were discussing street slang and the word verga (penis) came up (no pun intended). It occurred to me that the definitive symbol of masculinity ends in the feminine -a…
Dear Mexican: It seems that whenever Chicano professors want to show off their mexicanidad, they wear a guayabera. In fact, I saw a picture of you in the Los Angeles Times donning the shirt, along with Dickies pants and Converse All Stars. How trite and bourgeois! You go to a…
Dear Mexican: I was flipping through my television when I noticed the Spanish-language channel showed a man in a red suit with yellow pants, antennae on his head, and a heart with the letters “CH” on his chest. It appeared to be a sitcom, and all the characters related to…
Dear Readers: Many kind, drunken words from ustedes regarding my November 16 column proclaiming Mexicans and Irish “brothers in depravity.” Let’s start with a wab: Man, did you make me laugh with “leprecanos.” I never had more fun on Cinco de Mayo than I did in 1974 in a Cambridge,…
Dear Mexican: A recent study by the Pew Hispanic Center reveals the following: * Hispanics are four times more likely than non-Hispanics to receive welfare * Hispanics account for three-quarters of the increase in poverty in the USA * 45 percent of Hispanic children are born out of wedlock *…
Dear Mexican: My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately, he’s been listening to CNN en Español to get an ear for the language. A couple of days ago, he told me that, after several weeks of…
Dear Mexican: Not long ago, I attended a Los Tigres del Norte concert at a small hall with no dance floor. The people attending were supposed to sit down and enjoy the music. Five minutes into the music, these jumping beans started dancing in the aisle. Within minutes, half of…
Dear Mexican: A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don’t believe that. Can you “spread” some light on the subject? — El Gabacho Guapo Dear Handsome Gabacho: Let me penetrate the thrust of your friend’s argument by…
Dear Mexican: It’s hard out here for a brotha! First, we had to deal with those pieces of shit called the KKK and their supporters. Now we have to deal with the freakin’ Mexican invasion. Now I see why whites fretted over seeing their neighborhoods turn dark when Cleophus and…
