Miami Dolphins Need to Clean House After Embarrassing Loss to the Buffalo Bills

Whoa man, were we colossally wrong about that one.

Most of us were. Most bought into this season being different. That the Dolphins were ready to turn the corner. That they added enough talent, including an all-world defensive tackle, and a dynamic rookie wide receiver, and that their quarterback was ready to make the leap. The Dolphins were going to make the postseason, most thought. They were going to challenge the New England Patriots for the division crown. They were going to announce their presence with authority. A defensive line made up of quarterback-crushing behemoths. A quarterback on the brink of stardom. An offense with enough weapons to obliterate all opposing defenses. They were going to make a serious run to the mountain top.

The entire NFL-watching world was going to witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational football team.

And then the season started.

Three games in and...


A 41-14 beat down to the Buffalo Bills in their home opener. Followed by one of the players' wives getting arrested for allegedly head butting a cop

The Good News:

-The Dolphins are doing their annual implosion three games into the season, rather than wasting your time and waiting for their collapse in mid-November. Now you can start planning what to do with the rest of your Sundays.

-We have a new middle-finger lady hero

The Bad News:

-Everything. Literally everything.

So What Do We Do Now?:

How Do They Fix This?:

We're not big on calling for people's jobs. Jobs are good and jobs are hard to find. We have a job. We like it. Because we like to eat and live in a home and have electricity. But, when you don't do your job well or, more to the point, when you're maddeningly horrible at it and completely out of your depth, you should probably not have that job. And so, as has been the case since, well, forever, the Dolphins need to once again fire their head coach.

But this is more than just canning Joe Philbin. Team owner Stephen Ross needs to do what he has never actually done since he bought this team in 2008, and that's clean house.

Get rid of everyone.


Clean house. Fire the lot of them. Ok, sure, maybe keep Bill Lazor as interim coach for the rest of the season. But then when the season ends, can his ass too. 

Because maybe the problem with a team that constantly finishes 7-9 and has made the playoffs once in the last 15 years and continues to not only lose, but lose in epic fashion, is because this team, under the current ownership, has never actually truly re-booted itself and started from scratch.

Since Ross has owned the team, he's never actually cleaned house.

Bill Parcells wrecked the franchise with horrid drafts and even more horrid free agent pick ups before he left. And then Ross kept around Parcells' hand-picked head coach, Tony Sparano, and General Manager Jeff Ireland — both of whom were both atrocious. Ross finally fired Sparano in 2011... but kept Ireland. He then hired Philbin to work with Ireland, which turned into more garbage teams. Then Ireland was let go, but Philbin was kept around. 

So now there's Philbin working with recent hire Dennis Hickey as General Manager. And, inexplicably, Ross hired Mike Tannenbaum to be the team's Executive Vice President of Football Operations.

And thus far, this disaster of a season is the result. Including giving all of the money to Ndamukong Suh and wrecking the team's future salary cap situation.


Some will argue that firing the coaching staff and starting over will only bring in the next guy we'll all get angry with and demand gets fired. And that may be true. But when you keep doing what amounts to shoving discarded McDonald's bags and trash under the couch and call it "cleaning your apartment," then things really aren't clean and nothing will actually change.

So, be radical. Do something different. Go crazy. What does Ross have to lose? How could it possibly get worse than this?

Fire everyone and start over.

Fire the General Manager.

Fire the Executive Vice President of Football Operations.

Fire the coaching staff.

And then go and find a whole new staff with no ties to the crappy past.

Of course, this won't happen.

Ross is notorious for being overly loyal to his guys, keeping them around longer than he should. Joe Philbin should have been fired after last season. Sure, he eventually fires people, but when it's way too late. 

What Can We Expect?:

-Expect nothing. This is our problem. We bought into the hype and believed that this would be different. We somehow believed Philbin would magically turn into a competent head coach and that the offensive line would stop sucking.

-And if you're that guy that said "Told you so... told you this team would suck":

-Expect Ross to "stick with" Philbin the rest of the year. Again.

And expect it even more should the Dolphins somehow find a way to string two wins-in-a-row together.

-Expect that this team will never, ever, ever be good ever again. Life will be much sweeter when we surrender to this reality. 
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Chris Joseph
Contact: Chris Joseph