Environmental

Hurricane Matthew Weirdness Recap: Sex, Stupidity and Perserverance

A powerful youngster spun up the Florida coast this past week, dropping rain and blowing a helluva lot of wind through the region. While it just traversed the coast and no major damage was done in South Florida (Haiti took it on the chin.), the amount of trauma it caused was impressive. Then there was the weirdness.

1. Some very horny gentlemen decided they could maybe seduce young ladies to use the storm as an excuse for casual sex by taking out ads on Craigslist. If you thought the pickup lines you hear at your neighborhood bar were bad, try "who wants an erotic massage to release hurricane stress" and "I'd like to plunge into the warm moist eye if your hurricane."
2. Next there was former big-time rapper Vanilla Ice's attempt to forecast the storm, which earned him a Tweet of rebuke from the Florida Democrats: "Listen to your local officials, not @vanillaice."

3. Then there was the list of ten dumbest things you can do in a hurricane. They varied from imbecilic to horrific. There was windsurfing in the storm. getting married in the heavy winds,  stealing and hiding out in a vat of grease, and our favorite: making a music video that no one could hear or see very well.  
4. But our favorite story of the hurricane came late Thursday night when the lights went out at the very best eatery in Fort Lauderdale, the Floridian. The hearty servers and workers didn't skip a beat. "The Floridian's kitchen was pitch black. Only silhouettes of chefs could be made out. They were shuffling around, lighting their cooking area with cell phones." 
KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Chuck Strouse is the former editor in chief of Miami New Times. He has shared two Pulitzer Prizes and won dozens of other awards. He is an honors graduate of Brown University and has worked at newspapers including the Miami Herald and Los Angeles Times.
Contact: Chuck Strouse