4

Hurricane Matthew Weirdness Recap: Sex, Stupidity and Perserverance

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

A powerful youngster spun up the Florida coast this past week, dropping rain and blowing a helluva lot of wind through the region. While it just traversed the coast and no major damage was done in South Florida (Haiti took it on the chin.), the amount of trauma it caused was impressive. Then there was the weirdness.

1. Some very horny gentlemen decided they could maybe seduce young ladies to use the storm as an excuse for casual sex by taking out ads on Craigslist. If you thought the pickup lines you hear at your neighborhood bar were bad, try "who wants an erotic massage to release hurricane stress" and "I'd like to plunge into the warm moist eye if your hurricane."
2. Next there was former big-time rapper Vanilla Ice's attempt to forecast the storm, which earned him a Tweet of rebuke from the Florida Democrats: "Listen to your local officials, not @vanillaice."

3. Then there was the list of ten dumbest things you can do in a hurricane. They varied from imbecilic to horrific. There was windsurfing in the storm. getting married in the heavy winds,  stealing and hiding out in a vat of grease, and our favorite: making a music video that no one could hear or see very well.  
4. But our favorite story of the hurricane came late Thursday night when the lights went out at the very best eatery in Fort Lauderdale, the Floridian. The hearty servers and workers didn't skip a beat. "The Floridian's kitchen was pitch black. Only silhouettes of chefs could be made out. They were shuffling around, lighting their cooking area with cell phones." 

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.