South Florida Craigslist Is Overrun by People Looking for Hurricane Fuckbuddies

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of South Florida and help keep the future of New Times free.

Are you single and under the age of 30? Getting evacuated from your oceanfront condo?

Good news: Random sketchy dudes on Craigslist have you covered. Just search for the word "hurricane" in the personal ads and shield your computer screen when anyone walks by because you're about to see a lot of dick pics. Hurricane Matthew isn't even here yet, but there are already hundreds of posts featuring terrible pickup lines such as, "I'd like to plunge into the warm, moist eye of your hurricane," and, "Fuck me like a hurricane."

The offerings range from creepily flirty to downright exploitative. On one end of the spectrum, you have the guy who says he's looking for a lady "who wants an erotic massage to release hurricane stress." Thoughtful! And then you have the man who says you can come stay with him at his house in Michigan, "but we will be having sex." Or the dude who says it breaks his heart to see people in need during a hurricane, so he wants to get you a hotel room... if you send him a picture first. 

Of course, there's also plenty of people who are upfront about what they want: namely, to hook up with someone who they'll never see again after the storm warning is lifted. There seem to be a lot of couples planning threesomes for this very reason. (On a related note, the condom aisles at certain drugstores are looking pretty bare.)

Meanwhile, other Craigslist posters claim they're just scared and lonely and want to cuddle, like this recent New Jersey transplant who writes, "Anybody live alone and scared of this oncoming monster storm want some company? If you're a cute, fun, normal, outgoing, girl in the Fort Lauderdale area who is nervous to be alone in the storm and wants a great guy to chat with or even hang out with to ride out this storm together, let me know!" Kind of sweet, aside from the always-present possibility that he could be a serial killer. 

Be safe out there. 

Keep New Times Broward-Palm Beach Free... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering South Florida with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in South Florida.