Just a Crotch Tug Away From Family Alienation

Remember that Vikings versus Saints playoff game? The nail-biting fumbles? The deep sweats in overtime? The inevitable realization that fate had dealt its unflinching hand? Well, Lingerie Bowl VII: The Ultimate Cat Fight won’t be anything like that.

Lingerie Bowl became a Super Bowl halftime sensation by honing in on the horndog trifecta: Women pull weaves, skid into full-body Astroturf burns, and get tackled by other hot chicks — all while wearing spandex bikinis and competing in coliseum-style grudge matches. But now, the league has grown and begun dabbling with legitimacy. It evolved into a cross-country franchise, so tonight’s Lingerie Bowl is the sweaty climax for the league’s two strongest teams and not just the annual, fevered wet dreams of television execs.

Don’t worry: It’ll still be sexy. And since nobody’s got money on the spread, you and your crew can get drunk and watch model types battle it out for the coveted, gilded, thong-shaped trophy — or whatever the hell it is they play for.

Red Carpet begins at 7 p.m., brawling begins at 10 p.m., and it all goes down at Hard Rock Live (1 Seminole Way, Hollywood). Tickets cost $55 to $225. Call 800-745-3000, or visit ticketmaster.com.
Sat., Feb. 6, 7 p.m., 2010

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Jamie Laughlin