50 Things You See at Ultra Music Festival

Photo by George Martinez
50. Girlfriendly PDA. (That's for the "L" in PLUR.)

If you've got ears, Ultra Music Festival is a pretty fun time.

But if you've also got eyes, it's amaaaaaaaaazing.

Basically, this sprawling EDM fest is a phantasmagoric fun parade starring famous people, nearly naked ladies, the beefiest of beefcakes, the kandiest of ravers, and the most ridiculously costumed of party people -- all spazzing out to uhntz-uhntz amid an LED landscape that's exploding with fireworks, lasers, pyro, kryo, and confetti.

Look, gawk, or leer... Here are 50 things you see at Ultra Music Festival.

Photo by George Martinez

49. A Guy With a Vagina in the Middle of His Chest

Accompanied by a female friend with a deep interest in this curious phenomenon.

Photo by George Martinez

48. A Riff Raff Head on Lady Legs

Anyone else have recurring sweaty nightmares about exactly this thing?

Photo by George Martinez

47. Bad Girls With Marijuana Boobs and "Fuck Me" Eyes

Congrats on some impressive glitter and rhinestone work. Ditto on the handpainted sunglasses.

Photo by George Martinez

46. A Young Lady "Expressing Herself" Atop Her Boyfriends' Shoulders

But, uh, which way is he facing?

Photo by George Martinez

45. Ultra Hairdos

This kind of 'do takes dedication. Look at the Manic Panic-ed mini-mohawk. And the intricate razor work on that logo. We're too lazy to even get a regular haircut? Props, raver kid.

Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

44. Ultra Forehead Tattoos

At least it's temporary. But when these things become permanent, ink-and-needle jobs, we just might begin to believe the doomsayers screaming at the UMF gates.

Photo by George Martinez

43. Ultra Boob Decals

Nice work, miss, adorning your chest area without resorting to nipple pasties.

Photo by George Martinez

42. Ultra Hand Signs

Bro ... Don't let any fans of The U see you doin' that shit while strolling through downtown Miami.

Photo by George Martinez

42. Ultra Kandi Masks

Looks good. But can you eat it?

Photo by George Martinez

40. Molly

They finally found her. But what now?

Photo by George Martinez

39. ¡Luchador Ravero!

No, hermano ... We don't wanna wrestle.

Photo by George Martinez

38. Pills, Pills, Pills

But only on tank tops. Just say no.

Photo by George Martinez

37. The Long-Sought Five-Armed Kandi Monster

Oh, wait ... Is that just three bead-bedecked ravers mashed into a knot of flailing limbs? Fooled again.

Photo by George Martinez

36. Human Tubing, Raver Rafting

Where there is no water, ride the rave.

Photo by George Martinez

35. Dangerous Undergarments

Don't trip and fall face-first into those things. You might scratch a cornea.

Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

34. Personalized Undergarments

Yes, those are their real names. Checked their driver's licenses.

Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

33. Electrical Tape Undergarments

Run outta rave bottoms? Just tape 'em on!

Photo by George Martinez

32. Children's Undergarments

Way to raid your little brother's panty drawer, bro.

Photo by George Martinez

31. Undergarments From the Future

In 2069, the platinum standard for bustier comfort will be freezing nipples.

Photo by George Martinez

30. Skrillex Levitating!

Dubstep is magic.

Photo by George Martinez

29. OMG, a Fucking Tiger!

OK. Yeah. So maybe that's a dog.

Photo by George Martinez

28. Panicked Raver Chick

Relax ... It's a dog.

Photo by George Martinez

27. A Rainbow Come to Life

He was born of light and mist. And now he's descended to Earth to dance.

Photo by George Martinez

26. A Kangaroo Who's Traveled All the Way from Australia to Rave

How do you smuggle a full-grown marsupial aboard a transglobal commercial airliner? And keep it hidden for 18 hours?

Photo by George Martinez

25. Poultry as Hats

That chicken looks superuncomfortable, bro.

Photo by George Martinez

24. Shells as Bras

Nature's solution for party-time breast support.

Photo by George Martinez

23. Stickers as Shirts

Because if your nipples aren't showing, then you aren't topless.

Photo by George Martinez

22. Flags as Blankies

Sweet dreams, you sleepy Danish raver.

Photo by George Martinez

21. Paper Bags as Masks

Because they breathe better than plastic bags.

Photo by George Martinez

20. Superhero Superfans

Comic-Con is that way, bros.

Photo by George Martinez

19. Six Guy Fawkeses, All Certified Aerobics Instructors

Gunpowder, good times, and dancercise!

Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

18. The Royal Family

Buckingham Palace is that way, bros.

Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

17. Steve Irwin Impersonators' Annual Memorial EDM Convention

R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter. A "Krikey!" in your honor.

Photo by George Martinez

16. Hair Metal Tribute Performers

The blowdryer's that way, bros.

Photo by George Martinez

15. Star-Spangled Speedos

The most patriotic way to stash your junk.

Photo by George Martinez

14. Star-Spangled Bikinis

Oh, say can you C cup ...

Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

13. Star-Spangled Kandi

Fact: Both George Dubs and Tommie Jefferson wore one just like it. A grand American tradition.

Photo by George Martinez

12. Star-Spangled Capes

For when you're feeling like a human flagpole.

Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

11. Star-Spangled Overalls

With nothing underneath. Except a star-spangled speedo.

Photo by George Martinez

10. Hand Hearts

Raver charades ... The Asian cutie is flashing peace. The daisy girl represents love. The whole crowd is a symbol of unity. And the smiles are an expression of respect.

Photo by George Martinez

9. More Hand Hearts

Two hands, one heart, and a gnarly beard.

Photo by George Martinez

8. Even More Hand Hearts

Two hands, one heart, and a couple of nose rings.

Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez

7. Too Many Hand Hearts

OK, guys. Can we give it a rest, please?

Photo by George Martinez

6. Sarcastic Hand Hearts

Oh, touché.

Photo by George Martinez

5. Afrojack Enjoying an Epic Moment

This is how those Dutch DJs build all that upper-body strength.

Photo by George Martinez

4. Incredibly Tall Guy Enjoying an Epic Moment

Our mistake ... He's standing on something.

Photo by George Martinez

3. Hardwell Enjoying an Epic Moment

Huh? What? How? Oh ... No, bro. Not raining.

Photo by George Martinez

2. Yet another Guy Enjoying an Epic Moment

Oh, we should turn around? They're throwing peanuts from the stage?

Photo by George Martinez

1. The End

Seriously ... You can put your arms down now.

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