Feel the Noise

For the third year running, the International Noise Conference will take over South Florida. The free, three-day fest draws musicians, experimentalists, collectives, people who bang on stuff, sonic S&M fans, and other envelope-pushers from all over the country. Miami's own Frank "Rat Bastard" Falestra, one of INC's main instigators, has been a noise fixture for years, playing music since 1974, recording it since '78, and being hailed as Spin magazine's "Worst Band in America" with his group Scraping Teeth in 1994. His current projects include the Laundry Room Squelchers and To Live and Shave in L.A., a noise group with Tom Smith, Ben Wolcott, Don Flemming, and Andrew WK. Rat offered Outtakes a few pointers on how to enjoy the conference and a frequently misunderstood art form.

Curiosity is good.

Says Rat: "If you have even a little bit of an open mind, come down. You will probably have a good time. If not, stay the fuck home."

No laptop jockeys here.

"No laptops, no mixer boards — because we noticed that people would be standing there staring at the computer or mixer and not focusing on the performance. This is about rocking. This is noise rock."

Noise chicks rule.

"They have more stamina. Women can withstand pain better than men. That's why chicks rock so much harder at noise."

Do not come to stroke your goatee.

"I don't go for that overly serious shit. That's why this festival was developed. Most musicians at this are completely out of their fucking minds, and you don't know what the fuck they are gonna do. You don't know what they are going to play or what's going to happen, but in the end, it rocks. Most of the bands are of the same mindset."

INC is about the artists.

Look out for Dead/Bird, RL Stein, Laundry Room Squelchers, Whats Yr Damage, Right Arm Severed, Newton, Dynasty, and Noumena. These groups combine homemade technology, radios, amplifiers, modified circuits, and performance art into a larger-than-life mindfuck. Artists perform constantly and change over every 15 minutes.

It's also about the artists' names.

Like Puke Attack/Gay Bomb, Occasional Detroit, Rotten Milk vs. Bubblegum Shitface, Turmoiled Functions, Regurgitron, and I Would Eat That Pizza.

South Florida makes noise too.

Local breakcore experimentalists Otto von Schirach, Doormouse, and Dino Felipe will all perform sans laptop and mixer, which is a departure of sorts. Says von Schirach: "I don't need a laptop; give me six mics and I will fart into them."

Don't be scared.

It's only noise. — D. Sirianni

The International Noise Conference starts at 10 p.m. Thursday, February 16, and continues at 8 p.m. Friday, February 17, and 7:30 p.m. Saturday, February 18, at Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami. The show is free. Call-305-757-1807.

Cocaine Dreams

When the Wu-Tang Clan rolls into South Florida this week, you'll witness what is perhaps the greatest hip-hop group ever in a rare live appearance. The key to the Wu's success lies not in their compatibility but in their differences from one another. If Method Man is the smooth hustler and RZA is the vaguely spiritual overseer, then Raekwon the Chef is cocaine cartel overlord and the distiller of Wubonics — that humorous, esoteric blend of street speak, 5 Percenter rhetoric, and Kung Fu references.

When word leaked out last year that Raekwon was enlisting the forever-young Busta Rhymes to record a sequel to his influential 1995 solo joint Only Built for Cuban Linx, fans were ecstatic. Outtakes recently spoke with Rae about his upcoming album and the Wu-Tang Reunion tour.

Outtakes: So what's up with Cuban Linx 2?

Raekwon: Cuban Linx 2 is coming out the first week of May. And it's fire. The formula is to have the Clan involved with it and bring it back to how it was ten years ago. The Abbot [a.k.a. RZA] is in control, but you might hear some other [producers] that we feel deserved to be heard. I got Dre on this album. We have a lot of energy going on here. I'm going back into a very visual state of mind, and this is going to be a movie that you listen to.

Why did you decide to return to that cinematic rhyme style?

This was the vibe that everyone was loving about me, that's what everyone knows, that golden era of crack when everyone was striving to make something out of themselves. And my name is the Chef for a reason. I can hit you with this kind of flavor and then come with something else. I wouldn't be the Chef if I didn't have different kinds of seasonings around me. But I chose to speak about the things that I was involved with and that I saw around me.

I heard the tour was being dedicated to ODB.

Everything is in dedication to him. The live shows, the album... everything. I always think about him. He was the epitome of Wu for me. He was our alter ego. He made us believe in ourselves and made us the mighty Wu. He made us feel that nobody could fuck with us. — Sam Chennault

Raekwon and other members of the Wu-Tang Clan reunite at 9 p.m. Friday, February 17, at Revolution, 200 W. Broward Blvd., Fort Lauderdale. Tickets cost $32.50. Call 954-727-0950.

Kid You Not

Music has come a long way since Kid Rock's 1998 platinum breakthrough Devil Without a Cause. Thankfully, beer-fueled rap/rock no longer resonates with the youth like it once did. In light of shifting cultural trends, the trailer-park idol born Robert James Ritchie decided to launch "Not a Kid Anymore," a campaign to make himself more relevant. Outtakes got a look at the first few phases of his comeback:

Proposal: Rock-a-Wear clothing line Execution: Under the assumption that a void worth filling is redneck fashion, Rock brainstorms a new clothing line. Highlights include extra crotch jeans and Aye-talian silk wifebeaters. Tattoo coupons included. Problem: Agent alerts Rock to potential lawsuit from "other" similarly named fashion line.

Proposal: "Son of God" tour. Execution: Down but certainly not out, Rock decides to turn to what he knows best — touring. Some call him the "Son of Detroit," so he decides to step it up a notch to attract the Christian youth market. Problem: Self-proclaimed "American Bad Ass" realizes the last thing he'd want to do is offend Dubya and the conservative right.

Proposal: So Not Kidding, the Kid Rock biopic. Execution: If he can't be Christ, at least he can be a movie star. All the finest of Hollywood will be cast, and the true story of Robert Ritchie will be told, from the days of the kid Kid onward. Of course, he'll play himself as the modern-day Rock. Problem: Executives inform Rock that he was already in an all-too-similar movie. It starred David Spade and was called Joe Dirt.

Proposal: Twisted Brown's Redneck Rocket Fuel. Execution: Venturing into the same market where Lil' Jon, Nelly, and the Kabbalah Center have found success, Rock concocts an energy drink named after his backing group, the Twisted Brown Trucker Band. Problem: No one wants to drink a beverage with the words twisted and brown on the label.

Proposal: Joe-C-Juice. Execution: Second try: an energy drink named after his diminutive former sidekick. The tagline: "Big ups to the little guy!" Problem: No one wants to drink a beverage with a picture of a dead midget on the label.

Proposal: Live Trucker, the album. Execution: After a few multiplatinum records, countless singles, and the requisite hits collection, Rock releases a throwaway live album in an effort to squeeze a few more dollars out of his mindlessly adoring fan base. Problem: Other than the typical fleecing rock stars often inflict on their public, none. Live Trucker is set to drop February 28 on Atlantic Records. — Austin L. Ray

Kid Rock plays at 7 p.m. Thursday, February 16, at Hard Rock Live, 1 Seminole Way, Hollywood. Tickets cost $47.50. Call 954-523-3309.

KEEP NEW TIMES BROWARD-PALM BEACH FREE... Since we started New Times Broward-Palm Beach, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of South Florida, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Sam Chennault