Against all odds, people still read a 3-year-old County Grind blog called "Top Ten Stripper Songs of the Moment" on the reg. That moment has passed, though. Trends and attitudes have changed a bit, and a companion piece is here. A sexy male companion piece, that is. I've strolled in and out of Johnny's GoGo Bar in Miami and Fort Lauderdale, and I've heard the Lady Gaga blasting and dozens of nameless house tracks, but which are the ones that get the crowd hot?
So what did I do? I asked a dancer at Johnny's for his phone number so I could talk about his favorite songs to shake and grind to. My new handsome friend must have thought that "Can I have your number? I'm writing an article about male strippers" was a veiled pickup line. That hunk totally blew me off -- he never called back, answered my texts, or replied to my emails! Didn't he know that I was for real?
According to my South Florida buddy Perez: "Anything by Madonna, Lady Gaga, or Rihanna -- ha! Some Beyoncé and Spice Girls too!" If I know Perez, when he says "anything," he means "a-ny-thing."
10. Rihanna - "S&M"
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Perez-Approved: How many times have you heard your wildest pal say, "Sticks and stones may break my bones -- but chains and whips excite me!" Thank Rihanna for that! Extra bonus: Catch el Señorito Bonito Hilton's cameo as Rihanna's cute little poochy!
Who can't dance hot and sexy to this song? No one can't.
8. Rozalla - "Everybody's Free"
This acid-house jam makes the bare flesh shimmer with sweaty goodness. Every pump of the kick drum makes the dancers and the crowd bump in blissful unison.
7. Beyoncé - "Single Ladies"
Perez-Approved: Check out this dance-off between two go-go dancers. I don't know who's better, but I have to admit, they both blow Beyoncé and ladies out of the water.
6. Spice Girls - "Wannabe"
Perez-Approved: The boys who bop to this one can't help but "slam [their] body down and wind it all around."
5. Black Box - "Everybody Everybody"
Ow! Of course this pumper has to be on the list. Ow! It's like rolling in 1996 with your not-yet-out-of-the-closet friend who can't stop playing this song on repeat. Ow!
4. Deee Lite - "Groove Is in the Heart"
This song makes it feel like condoms are raining down and everyone is at a house party with Sandra Benhard, Pat Smear, and Todd Oldham.
3. Alexandra Stan - "Mr. Saxobeat"
Siu, the lovely day manager at the Vagabond -- right across the street from Johnny's -- in Miami told me this is the ultimate jam right now. All the guys go Rambo when the dancers let loose their juice to the sexy sax beat.
2. Madonna - "Vogue"
Perez-Approved: The day after the 1990 VMAs, a little Perezito Hilton schooled all of us on how amazing this performance was. "If the music's pumping, it will give you life." Yes! Madonna, pump and grind us back to life!
1. Lady Gaga - "Poker Face"
Perez-Approved: Everyone I asked agreed that "anything" by Lady Gaga was the number-one song for a nearly naked man to jam to! I'm having a hard time choosing the hottest one, so I just closed my eyes and imagined the boys shaking their buns and pecs, and "Poker Face" came to mind. Classic Gaga!