On Craigslist's "Missed Connections" page, lovelorn South Floridians who've become smitten with total strangers shout into the void, praying to meet their lost loves again before departing from this mortal coil.
After an exhaustive yet unscientific study of existing "Missed Connections" posts, we have concluded that an inordinate amount of people seem to be falling deeply in love at Publix.
Though Craigslist keeps posts only for a little more than a month before deleting them, 28 people in 46 days — between four and five people per week — have been overcome with irresistible lust while standing in line for chicken-strip subs and almond milk. The supermarket chain is far and away the most popular business on the site, beating out Starbucks, LA Fitness, and laundromats by a landslide. (Other Publix-heavy locales, like Atlanta, seem to show similar trends.)
Though most "Missed Connections" posts veer into a frightening level of sexual perversity — "i like your style, want to keep you on my radar... want the chance to swallow those fists," one Fort Lauderdale man wrote last week — most of the interactions at Publix read like a sad sort of poetry. In today's ever-more-fractured world, we are all lost in a Publix aisle, looking for love.
Take, for example, this woman in Fort Lauderdale:
We stood in line waiting for 15 minutes while the woman in front of us tried to pay with credit card then a check then cash. What was the item in her basket that we could not stop laughing about?
Or this lonely sod from Coconut Creek:
You remarked about my eyes, I really liked what I saw, couldn't find u after in store.
And this poor South Floridian:
We stood in line together ordering subs, we traded smiles and said hi. I felt like we both wanted to say more but didnt. Needless to say I regret not saying more.
For the lovelorn, shopping for produce becomes but a dance of wits, not unlike a masquerade ball.
I noticed you noticing me and ... I like it, a lot! Knowing that you are looking at me across the store definitely makes shopping a pleasure ;)
If you want to take it further , hand me a green apple (or just your number!) so I know you are interested.
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But, this being the internet, there are always a few wackadoodles, like this man hunting for his "milf at publix":
I was at publix today, and couldn't help to notice how beautiful you are. I know I might be too young for your liking, but I can guarantee that I will make you feel young again. I want to worship every inch of your body, making you feel wanted. I am sure you get compliments all the time. I was too nervous to say anything to you, though now I wish I did. I hope you see this :). I was the guy that was clearly checking you out. I am sure you noticed.
We've reached out to Publix's PR department to see if there's an answer as to why that green, sans-serif logo seems to get people so randy.
No one, meanwhile, seems to be falling in love at Whole Foods.