Can Dennis Rodman be distilled to just ten soundbites?
The answer is yes. But it's a slow yes.
For this week's feature, Reinventing Rodman, I hung out with the NBA Hall of Fame member and condemned diplomat for a night of booze, cigars, sex talk, and drag queens. I can confidently say Dennis Rodman is one of the most interesting people I've ever met.
I would say, even, in term of shocking antics and confounding thought processes, he's the closest thing to a modern Andy Warhol we have in today's America.
The conversation we had was impossible to follow then, and it's impossible to follow now. Plus, he even invented a word mid-conversation: "inbraining." Even with context, I had no idea what it meant, but suspect it may have something to do with idea brainstorming.
That said, here's David Rodman in his undiluted glory.
Dennis Rodman on a friend's backyard:
"Two years ago there was no fence there. It was nothing there. It was, like, open. I said, guess what? This is some bullshit up in here. This is a true story. Put some bullshit up here and guess what, make it look beautiful. And I said one thing, change all the bush shit. I said do one thing, go to that place and start having that bullshit right there -- never stains. You see that shit on the hotel, right? It never stains, right? Never stains. I said do one thing: boom. That's it."
Dennis Rodman recommends sod, rather than grass:
"It looks better, God damn it. They don't do that bullshit. It's water resistant. Whatthefuck? There's this place on Oakland Park Boulevard that does that shit always, for everybody."
Dennis Rodman on his fealty to others:
"I would love you to be, take me to be to do anything you need to be attached to people. I'm attached. I'm attached. That means I like you a lot. And I'm not special. But I'm gifted. Just like you're gifted. I'll do one thing: I'll protect you. I'll protect you from hell. You know me, I got a mouth. I do one thing. I'll hit that bitch right quick. I can't hit nobody."
Immediately afterward, Dennis Rodman explains how to recover from catastrophic knee surgery:
"When you got knee surgery, right. And people don't understand this, you still work out. You do everything up here, right up here: boom. Keep moving and grooving, because this right here with catch the fuck up. You do one thing, honey. In two weeks, honey, this shit will do one thing. Make it balance."