Miami is something of a spawning ground for the champagne-infused salmon that is Aubrey Drake Graham, America's leading male pop star. He seems compelled to return to South Florida biannually to roost. And why not? The confines of South Beach offer just about everything he could want: Clubs that blast his music, women willing to twerk at the drop of a hat, underground pool parties where he can Instagram himself, and people who will punch him, thus securing lyrical fodder for his next album. He showed up unannounced for a concert that wasn't even his last month, and even Uncle Luke likes him.
But, as any Twitter-having person already knows, Drake dropped a new album last night, the long-teased Views, which our sweet Canadian prince had marketed as a love-letter to his hometown of Toronto. The album cover even shows Drake sitting on top of the CN Tower, Toronto's tallest building, apparently wondering which of his luxury turtlenecks would most impress his high-school ex-girlfriend.
But out of nowhere on his Canada-as-hell tour-de-force, Drake oddly shouted out West Palm Beach, stating flatly that "West Palm girls are spoiled rotten" on the album's seventh track, "Redemption."
The most interesting "views" Drake gives us on Views are actually his thoughts about women, which apparently haven't evolved since his first album, Thank Me Later, came out in 2010. To Drake, ladies exist only in relation to himself — they either adore him, and are thus on his side, or leave him, and are in all cases terrible. Female agency isn't his strong suit, lyrically.
During the verse in question, Drake name-drops three of his exes, including one who sued him for royalties after he used her voice in the song "Marvin's Room." He insinuates they all ought to apologize to him, ponders whether they now jealously listen to his music, and then, out of the blue, takes a shot at the women of West Palm Beach.
Begging the question: What the hell has Drake been doing in West Palm Beach?
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Granted, the reference could just have been part of Drake's longstanding plan to name-drop every high-earning zip code in America. He did, after all, brag about spending "nights out in Calabasas," effectively the West Palm Beach of California, on his last album. He and Lil Wayne also performed at West Palm's Perfect Vodka Amphitheater in 2014.
But outside of a few concerts, it's tough to see what business Drake has in West Palm, a city so crammed with retirees its official slogan is "Would it kill you to call us once in a while?" We get, like, maybe he spent a few nights drinking Virginia Black Whiskey in some billionaire playboy's condo in Palm Beach, but West Palm?
(Though Palm Beach County is crammed with luxury steakhouse chains — and we all know how much Drake adores Morton's, after all.)
Having spent our fair share of time in West Palm Beach ourselves, we can tell you firsthand that West Palm women have exacting taste, and don't like to settle for anything less than